How hard it is to be young now! I had really forgotten about the pressures and bewilderments. And who would wish to go back to a time when one was only getting acquainted with one’s own body and how treacherous it can be? Sometimes I wonder whether all the touching that goes on now may not be a good thing. When I was young, any touch, just holding hands, was so momentous that it rocked my whole being. But even if they can hug each other now and walk around arm in arm, and hardly give it a thought, there is still the immense leap that sex means, that taking in of the stranger. Especially for a woman, how disturbing it still must be! I feel that Joel would not force anything, but one supposes that he is in love, or thinks he is. After all, he came here in such a strange way, saw Cathy first when he was in a state of shock, and I feel that perhaps all of us, Willard itself, and especially Nick and Ellen, have provided shelter for that confused young man—a sort of innocence that he truly appreciates, for which he feels a great deal.

Why do I say “innocence”? Whatever it is, it is not suburbia here. A haven for the very old and for the very young; for those in between—a shadowy nowhere, maybe. Joel talks a lot about “Being Now” (Cathy evidently capitalizes this when she utters the phrase), and that is just what Willard has been for him these weeks. He has had the peculiar joy of being both inside and outside, an irresponsible observer. Well, we shall know more after tomorrow night.