APPA: “I accept you in my heart.”

MIKE: What? (APPA applies pressure to his arm.) AH!

APPA: Repeat!

MIKE: I accept ya in a me heart.

APPA: “Amen.”

MIKE: Amen.

APPA: Walk out slow. And if I ever see you, I shit kick you fuck ass, you understand?

MIKE: Ya, man.

APPA lets go. MIKE makes to leave.

APPA: Getting his attention. Ya.

MIKE turns around. APPA tosses him the tub of Vaseline. MIKE catches it.

MIKE: Thank you, Mr. Kim.

MIKE walks out. Bell.

APPA: You not welcome.

11. YOU stupid

APPA: See, I tell you he is steal. (Picks up the stolen items, putting them on the counter.) That is lesson number one. Steal or no steal. Have to know. Okay, lesson number two —

JANET: That was the most idiotic, insanely stupid thing I’ve ever seen you do, and you’ve done a lot of stupid things, Appa.

APPA: YOU stupid.

JANET: Appa!

APPA: He is stupid too.

JANET: Of course he’s stupid! Why else would he be stealing unless he’s stupid!

APPA: David Chen, Lucky Moose in Chinatown, do same thing. He is hero. I am hero.

JANET: Kenny Kim, Queen and Sherbourne, did the same thing and it cost him his life.

APPA: Kenny Kim is die because cigarette company and government is so greedy. They make cigarette so expensive, people can’t afford and have to steal. Then convenience store owner is victim. That’s why Kenny Kim is die. Don’t get mix up, Janet.

JANET: Appa, that guy could’ve had a gun.

APPA: I know hapkido.

JANET: Picking up the stolen items and placing them behind the counter. Is it worth it? Is it really worth it? Grow up, Appa!

APPA: YOU grow up.

JANET: Did you even think about —

APPA: YOU think.

JANET: What?

APPA: YOU what.

JANET: Stop doing that!

APPA: YOU stop.

JANET: I’m not doing anything.

APPA: YOU doing.

JANET: I’m just talking.

APPA: YOU talking.

JANET: Appa, that doesn’t even make any —

APPA: YOU doesn’t.

JANET: You’re just repeating —

APPA: YOU.

JANET: Alright!

APPA: YOU alright.

JANET: Fine.

APPA: YOU fine.

JANET: Forget it.

APPA: YOU forget.

Beat.

JANET: Turn.

APPA: YOU turn.

JANET: Niverse.

APPA: YOU niverse.

JANET: Tube.

APPA: YOU tube.

JANET: Calyptus!

Bell. Police officer ALEX enters.

APPA: YOU calyptus!

JANET: Thanasia!

APPA: YOU thanasia!!

JANET: Kulele!!!

APPA: YOU kulele!!!!!

12. Police

ALEX: Excuse me, sir, did someone here call 9-1-1?

APPA: Yah.

ALEX: Who called 9-1-1?

APPA: I do.

ALEX: Is there an emergency? Sir!

APPA: Yah, used be emergency. You take so long time not emergency now.

ALEX: What was the emergency, sir?

APPA: White Honda is parking no-parking zone. Then drive off. You take too long.

ALEX: Sir, 9-1-1 is reserved for emergency situations. Please don’t abuse it with trivial matters like illegally parked cars. There are severe consequences —

APPA: Actual, I don’t call 9-1-1, Janet is.

JANET: Appa!

ALEX: Is this true, miss?

JANET: Well, yes, Officer, technically —

ALEX: Janet?