“I didn’t mean…,” he says, and he looks vulnerable. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” I say.

He smiles and shakes his head. “You’re right, I don’t know why I said that.”

I grin. “I’m pretty sure you just scared the crap out of yourself by having a real emotion.”

He laughs but also looks a little sad. “You might actually be right.”

“Well, you’re not the only one who’s scared by their feelings right now,” I say, and realize my cheeks are getting hot again.

He doesn’t respond right away. He just looks at me, his eyes burning with thoughts I wish I knew. “November, there’s something…”

I wait a beat.

“Ash?” I say, hoping he’ll continue.

Ash opens his mouth to respond, but before he can get a word out there’s a muffled sound from the hallway—a guard patrolling.

“It’s time,” he says, and all the fear I was putting off earlier immediately comes rushing back.

Chapter Thirty-seven

ASH GRABS MY cloak from the armoire and drapes it around my shoulders. “Last chance to change your mind or let me go in your place,” he says, pulling my braid out from under the collar. I shake my head wordlessly. Even that simple touch sends a shiver through me.

“Stubborn,” he whispers, and for just a moment we stare at each other.

He puts on his own cloak and the mood shifts. “I’m not going to take the same route or Aarya will spot me. I’m going to go around and enter through the garden lounge.”

“Okay,” I say, and I hate that just the mention of Aarya made my voice catch. I secure my cloak at my neck and lift my hood, not enough to obscure my vision, but enough to hide me in the shadows.

Ash opens the door. “Count to twenty-five and then go.” He takes one long last look at me. “And be careful,” he says before silently slipping into the hallway.

I force myself to breathe to get more oxygen into my muscles, like Ash said, and to focus my racing mind.

Here goes nothing.

I step through my door and move silently into the hall and then down two flights. I stay in the shadows as the guard in the foyer exits the courtyard door, and I wait a beat before slipping out the door myself.

I stand in the pitch black of the vestibule, the stone of the archway cold beneath my warm fingers, and count off a few seconds like Ash did. When I’m sure the guard is far enough away, I slide behind the curtain, careful not to rustle the fabric, and into the dark courtyard.