I swallowed. “It never occurred to me to think of it that way. I guess it was easier to think of it as some kind of monster that moved into my brain and ruined it, but it’s not, is it? I just wish I wasn’t quite so weak and wimpy. Maybe I’d be able to get better, then.”

She snorted. “Do you think Jojo is weak and wimpy because he can’t walk?”

“No, of course not,” I said, surprised. “What does him not being able to walk have to do with it?”

She rolled her eyes. “Your brain is to you what his legs are to him, silly. Neither works exactly the way you expect them to, but that doesn’t make either of you weak or wimpy or lesser than anyone else.”

There was a feeling inside me that was so big and so powerful that I didn’t know what to call it. The best I could do was this: I felt like I’d been taken apart and put back together again.

Maybe, just maybe, my brain wasn’t some kind of monstrous thing I couldn’t trust. It was just a little different.

Mahishasura’s voice came back to me. You fear that no matter what you do, the monsters will always be here.

“Do you think I’ll always feel like this?” I asked quietly.

“Maybe,” said Ashwini. “Maybe not. But if you do, I suspect that over time, you’ll find ways to make it less of a pain in the butt, like how Jojo’s wheelchair helps him. Maybe there’s something a doctor can do to help you, too?” She smiled at the stunned expression on my face, and for the first time since she had seen Pip downstairs, the twinkle in her eye was back. “Wow, you really didn’t consider any of this, did you?”

“I was just so angry with myself,” I said. “I was so sure there was something wrong with me and it was all my fault. I never even told Mum how bad it was. She would probably have made me feel a lot better if I had.”

“And do you feel better now?”

“Yes,” I said. I knew it wouldn’t be easy to shake away all the shame and guilt and anger that I’d let settle inside me, but just knowing that I didn’t have to be afraid of myself anymore made such a difference.

I threw my arms around Ashwini and hugged her. “Thank you,” I said, almost in tears again. I looked into her pointy pixie face. “You’re much too wise to be thirteen, you know.”

Her smile faltered. “Well, that’s thanks to you,” she said. “I guess you had to make me all grown-up and smart to be able to look after everyone else, right?”

I searched her face anxiously. “Are you sure you’re okay? I know I kind of took over the conversation for a few minutes there, but I’m here if you want to talk about Pip.”

“Actually, it was nice not to think of everything else for a while,” she said. “So I should thank you for distracting me.” She stood up. “I should go check on the others. The twins are supposed to be in bed, but I’m sure they’re still awake. Oh, by the way,” she added, “we’ll be taking Pip’s ashes to the Kaveri tomorrow. We’ll go after dark, when we’re less likely to be spotted. You should come with us.”