I’d wanted to lease it for free but when I proposed this to my solicitor, he went into a long spiel about… the truth is, I’m not sure what he said. After the first few sentences of legalese, my brain switched off and only flicked back on again when I realised he’d stopped talking. I asked him what the absolute minimum was I could charge and still satisfy his terms and he grudgingly gave me one, which I then requested he draw up a contract for. Ideally, I’d have just done everything without the need for anyone else being involved but, as Felix had pointed out, that land was part of my home and it made sense to have terms of use laid out clearly in order to avoid any problems in the future. He was right. The last thing I wanted was confrontation and mess. Felix did point out that it had cost me more to get the contract drawn up than I was charging her for a year’s rent, but I reminded him about the children and he’d shrugged, said, ‘Fair enough,’ and let it go.

In my one flash of gardening inspiration a few years ago, Poppy and I had turned the other field into a wildflower meadow. We’d done it together as a family, clearing the grass and planting the seed. Early signs were encouraging, if a little sparse, but now, three years on, it was well established, and in the summer became a packed riot of clashing colours humming and buzzing with a thriving population of insects and pollinators. The kids absolutely loved it and I found it a source of calm when I took a walk around, just resting against the five-bar gate that separated it from the edge of the garden, surrounded by nature and able to put everything else out of sight and mind.

I’d continued to live in our London flat for over a year following the accident that killed my husband but, instead of getting easier, every day seemed to bring with it another memory of our time together there, constantly ripping open a wound that was already struggling to heal. My brother and his wife had been absolute rocks, visiting and staying with me even when I didn’t want anyone around. They refused to leave me alone for long, which was probably just as well. What I thought I wanted and what I actually needed had been, I realised now, two very different things.