“Can I sleep in the living room?” Avenue asks.

“No, Santa Claus won’t come if you’re out of your bed.”

“But I’m not in a bed. I’m in a sleeping bag.”

“I can’t go to bed unless I’m wearing purple socks,” says Ichabod, opening the floodgates.

“I can’t go to bed unless Ichabod’s wearing red socks,” says Octavian.

“Why can’t I watch Euphoria?”

“Can I have some cereal?”

“I just saw a hamster! It ran into the laundry room.”

“Is it true there’s a miniature town in the basement and Grandma will make us live down there forever if we leave our dirty shoes in the hallway?”

Honeysuckle Lou attaches herself to Athena’s leg and screams that she’s never going to bed, ever. She wakes up Adrian, who wails, and Marilou kills several children with her eyes. Grandma threatens to shoot Santa Claus off the roof with her crossbow if they don’t all pipe down, which only makes them cry more.

“Actually, I have a present for everyone,” I announce before the chaos gets its feet off the ground. “An early one.”

I haven’t had time to wrap them, so they’re still in the plastic they arrived in today thanks to next-day shipping. Only Mom knows about this present, as I needed her help figuring out everyone’s sizes. Moms have a knack for knowing everything, especially last-minute.

Hall turns to me in surprise.

It’s kind of a dumb present. I don’t know why I got them, really. Everyone’s going to think this is dumb. They’re going to think it’s corny—

“Aww, that’s so cute!” Kaia cries, unfolding her pajamas and holding them against herself.

“I love them.” Hall hugs his, eyes soft. The material is an icy blue, featuring the Coca-Cola polar bears.

Mom elects herself distributor. “I’ve got a size twelve over here. Who needs a twelve? Here you go. I’m looking for an eight. Jim, here you are. I’ve got a child’s ten. Minnesota, ask your dad if you’re 5T.”

Athena wriggles her fingers high in the air. “Anybody see a ladies’ four?”

“Little tight on my biceps,” grunts Felix, who peeled off his shirt to try on the new one, flexing his arms. Grandpa snorts.

Even Dad tries on his, which Mom praises him endlessly for doing, as the positive reinforcement might persuade him to try couples’ Halloween costumes next year. “Everybody in front of the tree! I want to take a picture. Peach Tree, where are your new pajamas? Well, go get them out of the bathtub! Frangipane, get over here, there are no hamsters in this house.” She and Grandpa herd everybody. Athena clotheslines a nephew in her haste to get the best spot, practicing which smile she wants to use.

“Wait!” Athena dashes upstairs. “Don’t take it yet!”

When she hurries back down, her lips are tinted, hair smoothed. She settles down on one knee and holds a tube of bareMinerals liquid foundation in her palm for the camera.

“Oh my God.” Felix rolls his eyes.