Kaia is staring at Marilou in wonder.

“Are you going to intervene?” I ask Hall.

“Can’t. Duels are protected from magical interference. It’s all in the legislation.”

“I would like to see this legislation.”

“There is legislation that prevents you from seeing the legislation. Your eyes are too mortal.”

Naturally.

“What are you doing?” I peer over his shoulder to see what he’s so preoccupied with over there on his phone. There are thirty-six tabs open on his Chrome browser.

Plastic surgeons hate her! Phoenix woman’s secret to smooth, ageless skin.

Love Island star flaunts sculpted butt on the beach. NSFW!

Are your brunch tastes more Gen Z or Millennial? Take this quiz.

“Oh, Hall,” I say in hushed tones.

He furiously tries to X out of his pages, but the screen freezes up. I don’t think Hall is ready for the Internet.

The first jab from Jake certainly wakes Felix up and reclaims my attention. He’s too slow to react, absorbing Jake’s parry in the left pectoral muscle.

“My pec!” He gazes imploringly at Marilou. “He got my pec. You love that pec.”

“That pec is dead to me until you’ve won this duel.”

“Marilou, please. I love you.”

“That’s fine.” She is unfazed.

“Think of Adrian. He needs his parents to stay together. Do you want him growing up sad and miserable in a broken home?”

Two of Felix’s children from previous marriages throw pine cones at him. Meanwhile, Jake’s sauntering fluidly about, smirking as he feints, knocking Felix off-kilter.

“Mr. Jake, what is your job?” Avenue pipes up.

“I’ve had many jobs. I’ve been a diving instructor, a lifeguard, a karaoke host at Knott’s Berry Farm, and a guest experience associate at Hollywood Wax Museum. But now, I’m a fireman.”

“Oooh!” they chorus. Mom and Marilou raise their eyebrows appreciatively.

“Do you have any pets?” Octavian asks.

“I have seven.” He stabs Felix in the thigh, then dances backward. “A rabbit, three fish, a dog, a cat.” He winks at Minnesota Moon. “And a pony. She’s a sweet old girl named Savannah.”

“I wish Jake were my uncle,” laments Honeysuckle Lou. “Why did we have to get stuck with Uncle Felix? He doesn’t even have any ponies.”

“I heard he’s employed by nepotism, whatever that means,” Ichabod adds.

“I saw a picture of him from 1998 and his hair had frosted tips,” says Domino. The kids snicker.

Felix scowls. Lunges for Jake.

I can’t help but root for him. He’s so hapless and uncoordinated, but slowly, determination is mounting. He can’t let this guy with amazing calves destroy him in his grandparents’ perilously steep front yard while his wife and kids watch. “Come on, Felix!” I yell. “You can do it!”

He doesn’t glance my way, but there’s a trace of surprise on his face. He blinks. Gets a good hit in on Jake, who exclaims loudly.

“Touché!”

“Thanks.” Felix rolls his shoulders, jumping from side to side like a boxer in the ring. Grandma shouts corrections about his form, which was inescapable because she did a boxing movie twenty years ago and still fancies herself an authority. “You’re not gonna steal my girl.”