Staring at each other, he sees me, and I see him, too. How he likes the intimacy of feeling he’s in a position to ask me questions and receive honest answers, ones I’d avoid if they were posed by someone else. He likes being the inside man sorting through my thoughts with me, being the person I open up to.

“To feel better about myself. I want to feel fulfilled,” I reply bluntly. “I want my aha! moment, to see the path that’s right for me and be able to recognize it clearly for what it is. Like my mom. She found her path with cooking, and now I can practically see the inner peace shining from her orifices. I want that. But my only skill is coming up with spiteful wishes. I’m drawn to men who make bad boyfriends, ideas that make bad business ventures. My impulses get me into trouble, and I say the wrong thing too often. I’ll never get it right.”

Hall abandons his work, pressing gentle hands to either side of my face. The rest of the kitchen lights flicker on, the room soon glowing merrily. “That isn’t true.”

“You’re going to tell me to cheer up,” I sigh.

“You have a right to feel what you feel,” he says. “But Bettie, you’ve been burning so long, and I know you’re tired. You can’t change anyone’s opinion of you by getting revenge on them, even though it might feel good for a few moments. You’re hurting yourself trying to be a version of perfect that you’ve made up in your head. The only one who expects you to be that version is you. You can let it go, if you want.” He drums his fingers on the counter. “Also? Some food for thought? Your mom was nearly twice your age when she discovered that her passion was cooking. Soul-searching takes however long it takes, and really, I don’t think it ever ends. There’s no deadline for figuring yourself out.”

I watch him wearily. He’s right.

“Damn,” I croak.

He folds me into a hug, and I go very still before ultimately melting into him. “I know you’ve probably heard this advice before, but you don’t have to forgive the people who are bad to you. However, if they’re not ever going to give you the apology you require in order to move on, then you have to let it go for your own sake. The best revenge is making peace with a past you can’t change and figuring out how to make the future a happier place for yourself to live in. That’s how you come out on top.”

“I should be happier now,” I remark, sniffling into his shoulder. “I have Elizabeth Taylor’s ring. It’s thirty-three carats.”

Hall laughs softly. “Ah, Bettie,” he says in a tender tone, slipping his fingers in my hair. “That might not be enough.”

His breath is a relaxant, every aspect of him promising safety, care, a sure and gentle touch. I want to lean into all that and breathe it. I want to feel like this all the time. I don’t want to be this scared and bitter person keeping all my grudges alive like a muscle that never stops clenching. Hall has a point. Ultimately, I’m the only one who suffers from the effects.