Kent was silent beside me. I looked down at my hands which were turned skyward on my lap. I wasn’t sure what else to say. I still felt this wall coming between us, growing higher and higher. I knew that if I was going to remain sane, I needed to try to distance myself from him. I couldn’t let him get close so he could learn all my secrets and then blab them to Jen. She would torment me with them for the rest of my life or for however long she was in it. I didn’t see an end in sight.

I looked up, staring out into the pretty little rose garden Kent’s mom had planted a dozen summers ago. It was starting to lose its color as winter quickly approached.

I had come over every day to help Kent water them. His mother swore that they needed at least twenty minutes of watering every morning. I smiled to myself as I remembered the water fights we’d had as kids. It was so much simpler back then before the sexual tension arose and tried to drive me slowly crazy by dangling Kent in front of me morning, noon and night. That piece of cake I so desperately wanted but couldn’t have.

Kent spoke softly beside me, breaking my thoughts, "You know she didn't think they were going to live. Everything else she planted died that year…even with her watering them daily to help them along. The roses, she decided to give the job to me, and then you joined in."

I chuckled softly, remembering, "She called them the Jesus roses." I forced my eyes to Kent.

I felt my shoulders hunch forward slightly, the smile at the corners of my eyes slowly dropped as I stared at him. My lips were dying to kiss his. And my brain wanted my hand to slap him, for being so stupid. With me and with Jen. My mind and body were at war.

Kent chewed on his lip as he continued to stare at the roses. "Have you ever wished you'd done things differently, Elly? Like there was something in your life that you weren’t sure if you made a mistake or not?" It was a simple question but one that was laced, at least for me, with dozens of what-ifs. The what-ifs that would drive me crazy if I let them.

"Of course." I looked away, feeling guilty for thinking about wanting to molest him. "Don't you?"

"There are a few things that I think about a lot. I wonder what things would be like if things were done differently. I wonder what my mom would be doing. I wonder if she'd still be playing cards with your mom every Friday or if she'd be like one of those women who travels everywhere."