She blasts out the last line, holding the final note, spreading her arms wide. The room erupts. She feels high as a kite. She might even be happy crying? To stand there and just own it – God, she’s never done anything like this in her life. She’s euphoric. She is the worst singer known to man – literally, every other person who goes up there tonight will undoubtedly be able to hold a note infinitely better than she can – and yet she feels the best she ever has.

She stumbles off the makeshift stage, people grabbing her shoulder and saying well done, and good job, and oh my God you’re amazing! She smiles, and nods, and rolls her eyes to signify that she gets it, she was awful and that’s what was so brilliant, but she’s looking over everyone’s shoulder as she does it, searching for Duke. It was all for him. This was her grand romantic gesture, a feat never before attempted by Evelyn Bird. This will probably never be attempted again! So where is he? Can he just be in front of her already, wrapping his big arms around her and laughing, making her laugh too? Dancing in the dark, with you between my arms – just like the lyrics said.

But as the crowd thins out and she gets to the back of the room there’s still no sign of him. And then she sees the look on Magda’s face, and her stomach drops.

‘What?’ Evie pleads, her voice panicked. She just needs Magda to say it: that Duke was so repelled by her, so disgusted by her voice and her audacity at even getting up there in the first place that he’s sent Magda to tell her the whole thing is off. The look in Magda’s eyes tells Evie she’s blown it, or worse: never had it to blow in the first place. This is all a big, horrible misunderstanding and everyone is extremely embarrassed by her stupid emotional display of affection and it really would be better for everyone if she could just climb into a human sinkhole and never return to conscious earth again, please.

‘Say it,’ Evie says, shaking her hands like moving her body will ward off whatever is happening. ‘Was it really that bad?’

Magda shakes her head. ‘No. You were great. It was amazing. I’ve never seen you so full of joy as I just did up there! But—’

‘What?’

‘He’s not here. I don’t think he saw any of that?’

Evie drops down into a nearby booth. He missed it? It was all for nought?

‘Well,’ Evie says, as Magda sinks down opposite her. ‘That’s crushing.’

Magda pulls a face.

‘You could always go again?’ she suggests, and Evie gives her A Look.

‘Right,’ Magda notes, hurriedly. ‘That was a one-time thing. I get it. I’m with you.’