Chapter Eight

Jess turned up the radio and sang loudly to Queen’s “We Are The Champions” in a mixture of excitement and relief. She never wanted to relive the last twenty-four hours again. Nick’s hospitalization had terrified her and her fear for him had been exacerbated by not being able to rush to Libby’s side. Finding out in the early hours of the morning that Libby believed his chest pain was caused by stress had only added to her anxiety.

During her first year back in the bay, Nick had fallen over himself to be obliging and helpful and he’d done whatever she’d asked of him. But since the New Year, his behavior had been running hot and cold and she was never certain if irritable Nick or happy Nick was on the other side of her door. But despite his moodiness, he was generous with his financial support for Leo and he played with their son whenever Jess visited Burrunan. Since her insistence at Christmas that Leo needed more of his time, Nick had done a fair job at creating opportunities, but it was ad hoc and not enough. Leo needed the same access to Nick as his half-sisters. Living next door would expedite it.

To convince Nick to help her buy the Sullivan place, she’d drawn on his sense of duty —it was part of his ongoing commitment to Leo. She’d emphasized that living next door was the easiest way for Nick to continue being closely involved in his son’s life without drawing anyone’s attention, and it would relieve the constant pressure on them both to contrive situations for him to spend time with their son. This was her trump card and she’d played it straight into Nick’s desperate desire to keep his relationship to Leo a secret.

“Libby must never find out,” had been the third sentence he’d spoken after she’d told him she was pregnant and keeping the baby. His first had been, “There’s no way it’s mine,” and his second was far less of a sentence—more like a string of expletives. Over time, “Libby must never find out” had morphed into his mantra. It was almost as if he believed if he said it often enough, it would become true.

Since announcing her pregnancy, Jess had experienced a love–hate relationship with those five words. She oscillated between her need to protect her friendship with Libby and her desire to publicly declare that like Libby, she too had a claim on Nick. But in many ways Nick’s mantra worked to Jess’s advantage. Despite his occasional threats that he’d tell Libby about Leo, years of knowing Nick had taught her this would never happen. Jess also knew that Nick wasn’t confident that she would keep the secret. That he thought this saddened her. Jess had no intention of telling Libby. Meanwhile, Nick’s uncertainty gave her an edge and although she didn’t employ it often, when the need arose, she took the threat out of its scabbard and waved it around. His lack of enthusiasm for the house plan was one of those times.