It was the first time she and Nick had been alone together since Libby found out about Leo and he was glancing outside as if he was hoping someone would walk in. Even with death hovering, the old pain of him never loving her still managed to beat, accompanied with the pain of how much she’d hurt him. Having gone through life never saying sorry for anything, her apology to Libby had unleashed a need to make amends—as much to secure Leo’s happiness as to leave earth with fewer regrets.

“Thanks for today, Nick.”

“Too easy.”

“It’s not easy though, is it? I threw an incendiary into your life.”

“Yeah.”

“Me dying’s probably the best apology I can give you.”

His face blanched. “Jesus, Jess. Don’t say things like that. Don’t even think them.”

“Why not? If I wasn’t dying, I’m not sure Libby would have ever spoken to me again—or accepted Leo.”

“You don’t know that.”

He sounded just like Alice, but then again, Alice and Nick always looked for the best in people. “I do. I love Libby to bits, but she and I share some less-than-stellar traits. Holding onto a grudge is one of them.”

“She loves Leo.”

“I know. I’m not worried anymore.”

“And he’s the best sort of incendiary on the market. My parents are besotted.”

She managed a smile. “He’s got everything I wanted him to have.”

“Except you.” Nick put the trash bag on the floor and came and sat by the bed. “I’ll always tell him how much you loved him and how much he’s loved. And when he’s old enough to understand, I’ll tell him Libby and I were having problems when you got pregnant and although I regret my behavior, I have never regretted him.”

“That’s incredibly generous.”

Nick shrugged. “It’s what we told Lucy and it’s what we’ll tell Indi when she’s older. It’s all they need to know.”

“Thank you.” She wanted to tell him she loved him, that she’d always loved him and she’d hoped for years he could love her too. But she knew her love was a burden he’d never wanted and if she truly wanted to die with as few regrets as possible, she couldn’t tell him. “Can you bring me Leo, please?”

“Sure.”

A few minutes later, Libby walked in with Leo on her hip. “Here’s Mommy.”

Libby lowered him onto the bed and he pulled at Jess’s blouse just as he did whenever he was tired. “I’ll get his bottle.”

Jess nodded, unable to speak. Of the ever-increasing list of things this demon cancer was stealing from her, it was being forced to wean Leo that had driven home her new reality.

“Bottle’s coming.” Jess stroked his head, too weak now to lift his thirty pound body off her.