“We wouldn’t have made it,” he said hoarsely. His eyes were fevered slits. She wondered if he even knew what he was saying right now. “Me and Cora. I know I’m dumping this on you and that it’s probably not fair, but you’re the only one who has asked about her in almost two years. Everyone I talk to about her knew her already. They saw us married. They think of her as my wife. Even saying that now, I feel like such a—”

He cut off, almost violently.

Sebastian leaned forward and she saw that he’d sweat through his T-shirt. His hair was sticking up and he’d tossed the afghan over the back of the couch. He was feverish. She could basically feel his heat from three feet away. He was leaning forward on his knees. His eyes bright and dark at the same time. A look on his face told her he’d been trying, so hard, for years, but right now, he just needed to be broken.

“What do you mean?” she asked softly, knowing that he just needed to know that she was listening still. That it was okay to talk right now. To say everything he needed to get out.

“I mean that we weren’t gonna make it as a husband and wife, I don’t think. As a couple. If she were alive, I don’t think she’d still be my wife.” His face somehow tightened and crumbled at the same time. Via knew when someone was saying something out loud for the very first time. When the words were so raw they were almost a prayer. When a feeling that had been curling and spiking and growing inside you finally, finally found its way to the outside. To the world.

“There wasn’t enough love there,” he admitted, tracing a hand through his sweaty hair. He grimaced when he swallowed. “There was respect, but no affection. We got married when she got pregnant. We’d only known each other a few months. Because there’s just no other way. For me. I had to marry the mother of my kid. I was so scared of being a dad. I guess I thought getting married, having a wife, living with my kid day in and day out would somehow make fatherhood a little easier. A little more paint by numbers and less white-knuckling the steering wheel.” Sebastian laughed at a joke only he got. “But it wasn’t. Being a dad was just as scary as I’d thought it would be and marrying Cora only made it worse because she carried my weight. We both knew I was shitty at it. Only there for the good shit, gone in a flash for the hard shit. She carried me. I let her.”

Sebastian’s head lolled to one side, his cheeks flushed and the dark sweat on the back of his shirt blooming. Via fished for his ice water that he’d set on the floor beside the couch and handed it over to him. He gratefully swigged it back and sucked an ice cube.