“No, I think cream and sugar in coffee is gross.”

What a stupid, predictable conversation.

But, Jillian thought, maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea, asking her ex for some money.

The next day, Jillian said, “Doctor, can I talk to you for a sec?”

“Uh, sure,” said Dr. Billings.

“I’m going to be out of the office next Tuesday. It’s unavoidable.”

“Sure, that’s fine with me.”

“I have a court date,” said Jillian.

“Ok,” said Dr. Billings.

“It’s for child support.”

“Ok.”

“I’m going to tell Dr. Schraeder, too. I just thought you’d like to know, because sometimes I answer your phone calls when Megan is busy with something else.”

“Yeah, Jillian, it’s fine.”

“Ok, good.”

Megan heard this and thought it was a dig. Dr. Schraeder came in an hour later and Jillian gave her the same spiel.

“Yeah, whatever,” said Dr. Schraeder. “Whatever you need to do.”

Jillian smiled and walked back to her desk.

Ugh, thought Megan.

The doctors started seeing patients.

“I’m going to make reminder calls for tomorrow,” said Megan.

“Alrighty,” said Jillian.

Megan started making the calls.

What if I called him right now? thought Jillian. That might not be such a bad idea, you know. She’s making calls, I could just call him right now real quick.

She got an electric feeling when she thought to call him, like maybe this time it would go ok. He was the last person she’d had sex with. But she’d had enough sex, that wasn’t what the feeling was about.

Oh, man, what a crazy idea. Her heart started going crazy, and she got an adrenaline rush. Everyone in the waiting room was taken care of, and Megan was on the phone. She could stick the call in real quick. She didn’t have the energy to call him at night, and also she had to watch out for the dog and the kid at night. There was something neutral and encouraging about the office. She held the phone, her cell phone, out in front of her and almost started laughing that low, barking laugh again, like vomit-laughing, while she looked at her phone and thought about calling.

No matter that she’d deleted his phone number from her address book three years ago, those numbers were burned in her brain and they would never leave. Sometimes she thought she’d see those numbers on her deathbed while she was going over all the stuff that had made up her life, but that was stupid.

Abruptly, she dialed his number and slapped the phone to her cheek.

His voicemail.

“Hey, it’s me, Jillian. I just had a couple of quick questions about Adam, like, an update or something, so give me a call when you get this. Ok, thanks.”