“That day, at the office, I was excited to see you, because it meant I could tell you in person that if all goes well, in late July or early August, you’ll be a father.”

His breath thickened in his already constricted esophagus as he tried to take in air and expel it at the same time. Emotion flooded him—horror and joy in equal measure.

Horror at what he’d done to her. She’d reached out to him to tell him she was pregnant with his child, and he’d assumed she’d been tipped off to the coming storm.

But it was the joy that sent the sting of tears to his eyes. And now he remembered the joy he’d seen on her face that morning a month ago. He could see it even now in spite of this terrifying situation. In spite of what he’d done.

He removed his hand from her belly and pulled her to his chest, holding her tight as unstoppable tears spilled down his cheeks.

He was trained to keep his emotional reactions in check. He was a stone-cold operator. But this news robbed him of his training. This night destroyed all his barriers.

Audrey is pregnant.

The nightmare he’d put her through for the last month ran though his mind. All this time, she’d been carrying his child.

“Oh, Audrey. I’m so sorry. I was sorry before, but…” He buried his face in her neck. Words to convey his absolute regret and remorse didn’t exist. He would have to create a new language just for sorrow.

“We’ll sort that out later,” she whispered. “We’ll sort everything later. You don’t need to decide right now if you want a role in this baby’s life. I just wanted you to know. I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you for the last month.”

“I don’t need time to decide anything.” He leaned back and pressed his hand to her belly again. There was a slight bump, her body roughly the same shape as she’d had the night they’d slept together, but where she’d been soft before, now her abdomen was firm.

My baby. Our baby.

“I’m in a hundred percent.” Now all he could do was hope she had it in her to let him share actively in the parenting, because if she didn’t, he wouldn’t fight her. After what he’d done, he’d understand if she drew the line at tolerating him in their baby’s life, but that was all.

The fun occasional uncle figure. Not really a dad. And he couldn’t blame her.

Did she hate him? He wouldn’t blame her for that either.

Tears burned again, and again he pulled her close. He’d wondered many times if he’d thrown away something special when he’d torched her reputation and career.