“And I suppose you would be a better arbiter of sexual mores?” James questioned superciliously. He knew his old friend was in his cups.

“I’d be more popular than the current arbiters,” Shawn said. “Why is it that the Catholic Church, particularly the American Catholic Church, has had such a hang-up about sex?”

“The Christian Church from its early days has always felt that marriage and sex have been an impediment to a true union with Jesus Christ, which is certainly the origin of celibacy being required of priests. It is certainly the reason I have been celibate all these years. The sacrifice has made me feel decidedly closer to God, without an ounce of doubt.”

“I’m glad you feel that way, but it doesn’t surprise me because you’re crazy. After all, you had Virginia Sorenson in the palm of your hand and then let her go. Was she a piece of ass, Jack, or what?”

“She was definitely a looker,” said Jack, who was equally aware of Shawn’s mental state. “And a smart, lovely person as well.”

“You’ve never come clean about Virginia,” Shawn continued, his slurring increasing. “Did you nail her homecoming weekend, James? Here’s your chance finally to let your buddies know. After all, we were rooting for you and purposefully cleared out to give you space and privacy.”

“I refuse to be drawn into a conversation that might be disrespectful of Virginia,” James said with definite resolve. “Let’s get back to our discussion. How did we start out talking about papal infallibility and get bogged down about sex?”

“Because it is related,” Shawn said, glancing at Jack, whose silence he felt was out of character.

“How can it be related?” James questioned. “In modern times, the power of papal infallibility has been used only twice, and neither time did it in any way involve morals or sex. In fact, ironically enough, both times it has been used, first in 1854 and second in 1950, it has involved dogmas associated with the Blessed Virgin. In 1854 Pope Pius the Ninth proclaimed the Immaculate Conception an ex cathedra dogma, which, contrary to many people’s belief, is not about the conception of Jesus Christ, Mary’s son, but rather about Mary herself, so like her son, she too would be free of original sin. Of course, the second time was the Munificentissimus Deus of Pius the Twelfth, as I’ve already mentioned, concerning Mary’s Assumption to heaven body and soul. How on earth do you get sex out of that?”