Chapters (45)
But when summer turned to autumn and then to winter, and that first holiday season was well and truly over, what had seemed perfect had started to crack around the edges. Jo hadn’t been ready to give up on their relationship and she spent too much time trying to recapture the infatuation and fun of the summer months. If it had been there once, she was sure she could get it back again. They would be okay. It was natural to find it challenging to deal with the changes to their routine and how that affected their relationship. Having both decided to stay in Spain, they got bar work where they could and scraped together enough money – just about – to live on. But the fun was all but gone.
When Noah had flown out for a short break as winter turned to spring, the cracks were more like chasms. He tried to tell Jo this, but she had reacted angrily. Noah didn’t know Colm like she did. He hadn’t seen him at his lively, fun and supportive best, leading a sing-song on a bus trip with thirty hung-over holidaymakers.
‘We always knew it was going to be a challenge,’ Jo told him. ‘When the season gets underway again, it will all be fine.’
But it wasn’t fine. Colm started having more and more nights out with the other reps without inviting her along. When he worked on excursions and booze cruises, he didn’t always tell the more handsy female guests that he wasn’t single. Whereas everyone had known they were a couple the year before, Colm now seemed to revel in flirting and being flirted with by other women.
It was at first a slow process, this unconscious uncoupling they went through. Jo had been so desperate to hold on to the memory of that one perfect summer, she put up with how distant he was becoming because she did love him. And she was just as sure that he loved her. He wasn’t a bad person. She had seen the best of him and that hadn’t gone away. That part of him was still there, if only she could reach it. There were moments when she was convinced she’d seen that amazing side of him again, but they were only fleeting.
In hindsight, she could see he was trying not to hurt her. But this just amounted to him throwing her the crumbs of his affection. They limped along together, acting the role of a couple – even sleeping together on occasion, but it just highlighted to Jo just how wrong things were. She felt worse after. Hollow.
When she found out she was pregnant, as she sat and cried in the loos of a taverna staring at two lines on a stick, a tiny bit of her hoped that this would be the thing that brought them closer together.