‘What kind of difficult position?’ I said. The dread was there now, the doubt; like the September rains, it had found its way in, there was no way of ignoring it.

He carried on dressing – jeans, t-shirt – his back to me. He had various combinations of casual clothes – a wardrobe like no other person on the island. He wore soft jogging trousers and sweaters with capacious hoods as he ran lengths of the harbour wall, falling to the grass above the East Bay to perform endless repetitions of soldierly exercises. Recently, the Cater brothers had joined him in this routine, disciples in a strange cult.

He stood, ready to go. We were still keeping our secret. Ben hadn’t managed to extricate himself from the widow’s lodgings yet; he had to be back before day broke, so she did not know his curfew had been broken.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I regret mentioning it. It was all very innocent, I’m sure.’ This was his teacher’s voice, the one used on parents – impassive, controlled, fake. He dragged a palm down his face to wipe this persona away. Then, he sat on the edge of the bed, placing a hand very deliberately on my arm. ‘It’s just that, when you said, that first time when we… Downstairs. When you let me into the kitchen, and we…’ He forced out a sigh. ‘You told me that… You said that you didn’t know what you were doing, and I thought you meant… I thought you meant it metaphorically but… you literally didn’t know what you were doing.’

The way he was looking at me, I wanted to die.

I knew from magazines what the mainland thought of purity; it had no value over there. Or rather it did, but bewilderingly, at the same time, it was something to be frightened of, considered weird. I had convinced myself that my innocence would pass beneath Ben’s radar, but he’d found me out. I was a black-haired virgin when he met me, an aged, unwanted virgin. I was so embarrassed that I found myself biting back tears.

‘Oh, god, no, Leah, don’t!’ He lifted a consoling hand. I snatched my face away. ‘It wasn’t a criticism, Leah. I wasn’t saying that. It was great! You were great! I think this is all… great!’

I tried to move away, distance myself from his unbearable sympathy, from the awful juxtaposition he’d made between what we did in the moonlight and those girls, those young and beautiful girls. He gripped my arm.

‘Listen to me,’ he said. ‘I only mentioned it because I wanted to know… I wanted to understand how on Lark, as girls, as women, you are taught about… Oh, god, I don’t know how to say this…’ He stopped, inhaled deeply. ‘Look, when Britta came to see me alone, she wanted to talk about Eve.’

I looked up, confused.