“Of course, but it was never meant be more than this. You and me? It can never be anything, Tomás. We knew that at the start.”

And when he turned to me in the shower, his eyes cast downward, water droplets on his lashes, and said, “I just want more time, hermosa. Why does it feel like you’re saying goodbye forever?”

“It’s not forever. We’ll see each other again.”

“Just not like this,” he finished for me, saying the quiet part out loud.

“Not like this.”

I rode with him to the airport. I shouldn’t have, but letting him leave like that felt too abrupt. I did the same outside of the departure doors. Instead of taking the car home, I got out like we were going away together. The driver even wished us safe travels.

Tommy reached for my hand as we stood next to each other in the check-in line for American Airlines, prolonging the moment when we would actually have to step outside of the fantasy, pop the bubble. In a way, I think I wanted that even less than he did. For the last few days, my house had been full of people and sounds, and liveliness, and him in my bed, and inside of me. On my skin. Worming his way into my heart.

Now, it would be empty again.

After he checked in, we walked hand in hand toward the escalators that led up to the terminals. He turned to me, the muscle in his jaw ticking as he clenched his teeth. “Do you regret it, hermosa?”

“Tommy—”

“I’d be crushed if you did.”

“Listen to me,” I said, cupping his scruffy cheeks in my palms. “I don’t regret one second of it. Not one.”

He nodded and took a shuddering breath, then kissed me. Soft, then deep, and for so long that the sounds of travelers, the Muzak, and the garbled announcements from the PA system fell away. He whispered things to me. Hermosa, hermosa, hermosa, and other soft words in Spanish until we couldn’t prolong the inevitable anymore.

“See you soon, Tomás,” I said, then turned and walked away from the only thing I ever wanted to call mine.

17

Tomás

“So, I know that traditionally, homes with this much woodwork usually have a darker stain throughout. But I wanted you to see some of the options before we settle on the same ol’ boring thing we always do,” Juana, my little sister and interior decorator, said.