He tries to slow things down by literally taking a step back. I don’t let him get too far. I don’t really know much about seduction. I figure now is as good a time as any to learn. I kiss his neck and slide his coat off and onto the floor. My heart is pounding loudly in my ear; the contact we’re making is pushing all the ugliness away.

More, I need more to make it all go away . . .

He pulls back from the kiss and takes another step back. This time it’s a big, decisive step, one that ensures a solid distance between us. He exhales loudly and swallows hard. His eyes are dancing with desire and longing. I know for certain he wants this too. I can hear his heart from here. Not sure why he stopped.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Ayo, I don’t think—”

“Don’t think,” I order him, then engage his lips again. I back him toward my bed and boldly push him down onto the mattress, an action I can only take because he’s caught off guard. I straddle him and remove my shirt.

All that’s left is my black cotton bra and shorts. I wish my bra was silk or lace, like in the movies or the romance books I’ll never admit to reading. But hey, I will work with what I have. I lean down toward Devonte. Our lips are only inches apart. He’s about to talk, but I stop him—with my tongue.

“Yo, hold up! Hold up!” he says as he sits up and effortlessly removes me from on top of him. He puts me down next to him and quickly grabs his coat to cover me up.

I stand up and come close to him. He reaches out to me—I think maybe he’s changed his mind, but instead he zips up the coat he placed on me. Now I’m all covered up. Damn, that’s not the direction I intended this to go.

“Devonte, what’s the problem?” I ask.

“You went dark for three weeks and now you just wanna go hard like this? Plus, it’s your first time. And I know this isn’t the way you wanted it to happen.”

“Who cares what I want?”

“I do.”

“Argh! Can you just do what I ask?”

“So you’re really asking me to have sex with you right now?”

“Yes! Are we going to do it, or do I have to find someone else?”

He rakes his hands through his hair and interlocks his fingers behind his neck. His jaw is clenched and a vein in his temple is throbbing.

“Ayo, I’m not ’bout to take advantage like this. And if you feel you gotta go to someone else, then I guess that’s what you gotta do.”

“Get out!” I shriek.

“Ayo, let’s talk, okay?!”