5. i will overcome. i have faced much adversity and i have conquered it all. i am ready for the next obstacle, the next challenge, and i will defeat it, just as i have all the others.

you have sealed away

your love for yourself.

perhaps

it is time

to finally

u n l o c k

the door.

—let it all in

i got my love of books from my mother. my desire to eat home-cooked meals over fast food. my affinity for fancy clothing and pretty gowns. i learned how to dress by watching her in the mornings. my first barbie came from her childhood collection. she taught me how to have pride in myself, and the satisfaction that comes from looking put-together. she helped me learn how to stand up for myself. when i wasn’t happy at school in 4th grade, she didn’t stop until she knew why, and then she put my happiness over everything. she taught me how to swear, how to turn my words into weapons if i needed to. she made sure i always knew i would be loved, no matter who it was i fell in love with. she let me figure some things out on my own because she knew i wouldn’t listen to her no matter how hard she tried. some of those things were outfits i wore, or the way i filled in my eyebrows, but some of them were the second chances i gave, or the friends i made. we talk every single day. sometimes i call her because i’m bored, and we talk for two hours. when i come home, i follow her around like a lost puppy. sometimes at night, she will come lie next to me on my bed and demand i tell her a story about my life now. she is the only person who i know, without fail, will always think i am beautiful. she instilled in me my love of words, and now i am a writer. in many ways, this book is just as much hers as it is mine.

—mother

i came into womanhood

fists swinging, screaming,

you will not make me small.

i went to war and i won,

but it would be a lie

if i said that i did not

pay a price for it.

when you are a teenage girl,

you earn side-eyes and sneers,

snide remarks muttered when

they think you can’t hear them.

everything you love is a joke

or foolish or unimportant,

and everything you hate is just

too smart for you to understand,

too sophisticated, something only

men might be able to grasp.

so i came out on the other side

larger than life, and god did i smile,

scream fuck you, you did not keep me

from being myself at the world.

but a piece of me broke during

those years, cracked under the pressure

of being mocked for liking

boy bands and romance books,

taylor swift and love poetry,

converse and bulky sweaters.