a good person, a kind person, into someone who

fit better with me, rather than accepting that

we were simply not meant to be together.

and i am left with yet another person who

resents me for trying to change them so

i could stand the thought of marrying them.

another reckoning for myself because, once again,

i have been naive in love and selfish in my interests,

and i have once again hurt a person who did not deserve it.

my friends make jokes about how i am a fixer,

how i leave my exes in better shape than i found them,

but i don’t know if that’s really what i do.

because while i leave them with sharper clothes

or a stronger sense of ambition, i also leave them with

the sense that who they are at their core is not enough,

and that was never the case, it was just that who they

are is not the right person for me. and that is not

a bad thing i should put effort into trying to change

as much as it is a sad thing i should accept, grieve,

and move on from, so i do not leave behind

somebody who may now know how to cook

but has a horribly warped sense of self.

the next time love comes along—and i will wait for it—

i want it to be somebody i can look at and accept,

completely, for who they are in that very moment,

not the person i think they could be in a year, or five, or ten.

i want it to be somebody with whom growth feels easy and equal,

who fits into my life like a puzzle piece. i want it to be somebody

i can make sense with. i want it to be somebody who,

when we’re holding hands in public, doesn’t make people scratch

their heads but rather causes them to say,

“yeah, those two? those two belong together.”

you’re tired of settling.

you’ve spent your whole life doing it: relationships, jobs, plans—all the times you felt yourself nestling down into something that fit nicely in your comfort zone but never pushed the boundaries. never fulfilled you the way you really desire.

but you’re tired of it, now. so you’re aiming for something bigger. a love that doesn’t feel so hard to maintain and tight on your skin. a job that acknowledges your worth. and plans that are big and ambitious, because you’re capable of following them through.

it’s scary, to allow yourself to want something more. but you know you deserve it. you know you’ll be happier for it. more than anything, you know it takes time, and it’s in that time you’ll find yourself wanting to fall back into old habits.

but you’re tired of settling, so you buckle down and you wait.

as long as it takes.

death

life is filled

with endings—

moves, graduations,

breakups, retirements.

and don’t these all lead

to new places and people,