perhaps it was all those moments,

and all other moments like them,

that took it from me, little by little.

so quietly and subtly

that i didn’t even notice

until one day, when i reached for it,

it was gone.

i got it back

piece by piece.

i pulled it from

the jaws of trauma,

wrenched it from

the grasp of toxicity.

i fought for it

tooth and nail.

and slowly but surely,

over many years,

i rebuilt it.

and now that i have it back,

now that i once more feel that

almost-forgotten beat of

i know i know i know—

i am

never

letting anybody

take it from me

again.

my belief in myself is an anchor.

it is steadfast and infallible—

an unbreakable constant.

it keeps me from floating

too far out to sea,

from allowing the waves

of self-doubt to pull me down

and drown me.

you can’t wait for

a grand sign to take

your next steps.

at some point

you must simply

become.

there is another rejection in your inbox.

you barely read past the first line—“thank you for your application, but unfortunately …”—before exiting out of your email and walking away.

they say that life is 99% rejections and that all you need is that 1% to make it. just one yes to launch your career. just one yes to make your dreams come true. just one yes to change your life. and that’s true, in theory, but it doesn’t make the nos hurt any less. it still stings every time somebody tells you they aren’t interested in what you have to offer.

and you know you have something great to give if somebody were to just say yes. but with every no, that certainty you have about yourself wavers. each unfortunately, we are unable to offer you this position and please consider reapplying next year adds another weight threatening to pull you under. and sometimes, it feels like it would be too easy to simply never put yourself out there, never take the risk, again.

but you refuse to quit, even as the image of that email burns in your mind. you refuse to let it take you down.

“one yes,” you tell yourself, “all it takes is one yes.”

and you are going to get it.

strength

oh, broken one,

the things you have seen.

you have survived

the many trials

life has thrown in your path.

how you have bled

and wept and ached—

but oh,

how you have fought

and healed and lived, too.

you have such bravery

in your heart.

more than you know.

more than you will

ever understand.

think of how many times

you wanted to quit

but didn’t.

how proud you were

when you made it through

to the other side.

you always have that strength

inside of you.

even on the days

where you cannot find it.

especially

on those days.

they pushed you into the water

when they knew you couldn’t swim

hoped you’d reach for their hand