“Power is officially flowing, Numbers Queen.”

Monica was the first person to call me the Numbers Queen. It was our first year working together and I was able to prove to one of her beer clients in a matter of clicks that they were the most tagged and Tweeted brand on the internet during the Super Bowl. It sounds maddening, but that’s just how I think—exclusively in numbers. That’s just how life has been since Decker died—data, then decisions.

How did I get to the point I was able to code a custom report in under five minutes? Let’s just say I’ve come a long way since being so depressed I couldn’t manage to do things like pick up the phone and text my friends back. When that was my norm, it also meant I couldn’t manage to pick myself up off the floor, put clothes on, and go to work a lot of the time either. Turns out people don’t have a lot of patience or understanding for that kind of thing—for never responding to texts and habitually not showing up to work. So I lost a bunch of friends and also my movie studio job. For a lot of people, that pretty much defines their whole reason for being in Hollywood—a circle of good-enough friends and a low-paying job in entertainment. That’s why I came out here. But my whole reason for being in LA changed overnight when I met Decker Austin. Suddenly, my reason for being here was a tall blond guy who played lacrosse, told nerdy jokes, and looked good in every flannel button-down J.Crew ever made.

I pulled myself together after about six months, right around the time Brian finally left me alone, actually. A coding school offering accelerated classes had recently opened in Los Angeles, and I kept seeing their ads slathered all over the city. So one wine-infused night, I took that as “a sign”—something I’d never do normally—and enrolled myself in a beginner’s level class. Every time I entered keystrokes on the back end that made something on the front end happen—a picture move to the left, text bigger, etc.—I felt a rush of endorphins. Being able to control a cause and elicit a specific effect was comforting. The more technical the task, the more I could block out the grim realities of my personal life. So I kept going and reenrolling until I learned everything that school had to offer in a mere matter of months. It was the first time since losing Decker that I felt alive and excited, and I knew this was the path for me. Not another job in show business. Not moving back in with my parents in New York City. And four years later at TIF, I can honestly say that my work has been more rewarding than I could have ever imagined. Plus, in a roundabout way, it’s how I got my groove back in the dating world.

Just then, my Apple Watch lights up with an incoming text.