A biley panic was rising up my throat. “Listen, that was just a guy I met at the party. And we were having fun and he knew I was engaged and I went home alo—”

“I know, Lucien. And I trust you. I wouldn’t be marrying you if I didn’t trust you.”

Okay. Phew. That was all very reassuring.

What was less reassuring was that he kept speaking. “It’s just…you looked happy.”

“I…what?”

While I was working on a more substantial reply, the waiter showed with a very large jug of water. “Are you ready to order?” he asked.

Which sent me into a different kind of panic because I hadn’t looked at the menu, and I couldn’t ever hear “are you ready to order” without wanting to stick “and if not, why not” on the end.

Oliver, of course, had his neuroses in different places. “A few more minutes, thank you.”

Clearly, I needed to loop us back to the you-looked-happy thing. But I wasn’t sure I wanted to because it could only really mean two things. Either it meant that my boyfriend-soon-to-be-husband straight up resented my happiness, which sucked, or it meant he thought I couldn’t be happy with him, which sucked worse. So instead I fluttered my lashes at him in a blatant attempt at distraction and segued into: “Do you want to order for me?”

He twitched an eyebrow. “If you like, although it will include the eel sandwich again, and don’t think I haven’t noticed you’re deflecting.”

“How about,” I suggested, “I deflect for now and when I’ve been fortified with an eel sandwich we can, you know, have a serious conversation sort of thing.”

“Very well.” Oliver disappeared behind his menu with an eagerness that I hoped was about his love of the food, not his desire to avoid talking.

I peeped over the top, trying to get him to look at me. “I’m happy to eat vegan with you.”

“You shouldn’t have to.”

“No, but I can.”

“Do you want to?” he asked in a way that I thought had layers.

This was so typical of At-The-Moment Oliver. I’d deflected, he’d accepted the deflect and was now getting around it anyway. “That’s not a fair question. You don’t want to either, but you do it because you think it’s right. And I think you’re usually right about what’s right… I just have crappy follow-through.”

“You know I don’t like imposing my values on other people.”