Your sister lives in Moses River, he said on his most recent message. That’s a long, expensive bus ride, Ruthy. I’ll have to take it out of the cash you stole. He knows exactly where I am. He must have paid more attention than I thought when I spoke about having a sister. Has he already sent a henchman to steal the drugs back? Is that why I can’t find them? But deep down I know he’ll come himself, if only to inflict maximum damage. I jump whenever a car pulls up outside the window. What is this stress doing to my baby?

I hear Alex and Chase get up and enter the kitchen. I pretend to still be dozing, but it’s pointless. I’m so worried that I have to say something. I slowly get up from my bed on the couch.

Alex and Chase are eating at the kitchen island. Chase has made them smashed avocado on toast, although there doesn’t seem to be a portion for me. Alex pauses midsip of coffee when she notices me standing by the couch.

“What?” she asks. “Did you want some breakfast?”

“Oh, I’ll make you one.” Chase stands. “I didn’t know if avocado would make you feel queasy. I read that with pregnant women, it’s all kind of a texture thing.”

Both Alex and I stare at him.

“I have to tell you something.”

Chase looks uncertainly at Alex. She puts down her toast, rubs crumbs from her fingertips. What now? she’s thinking. What the hell could you possibly do next? Shame swells in my throat.

“I might have—I might have gotten us all into a sketchy situation.”

Chase’s eyes widen, but still he’s waiting for pointers from Alex.

“How sketchy?” Her voice is so tired of me.

“When I left Pittsburgh, I was in a panic. Eli and I had gotten into this big fight, and he was trying to make me do things I didn’t want to do. But when I said no, he—”

“What things?” Alex says.

I look at my bare feet, at my toes as they turn inward. “Sell coke. To college kids on campus.”

Chase has a mouthful of toast but has completely stopped chewing.

“So I ran away from him. I ran away. But I had no money. Right before I left, I grabbed a tin of Eli’s stuff. Of Eli’s drugs, I mean. And cash.”

Chase and Alex look at each other, shocked.

“He owed me money anyway, and I figured if I was absolutely desperate, if you sent me away and didn’t take me in, then at least I could survive for a few months.”

“You fucking …” Alex says, “stole drugs and cash from a dealer. And brought them here? Here, to our apartment?”

“I didn’t mean to put you guys in danger. Honestly, I didn’t.”