I stood on shaky legs, drowning in bloody memories, and barely keeping my stomach contents where they belonged. “I’m sorry,” I said through the lump in my throat. “Thank you for your help with my shields.”

I fled without waiting for a response.

Chapter Fourteen

I sent my team a message telling them to watch Crash Crush without me and retired to my room. Luna wasn’t inside and I desperately missed her. My thoughts refused to calm, so I changed into my workout clothes and headed for the gym.

I cranked the music and settled onto the rowing machine. I pushed my tired body hard, burying memories under layers of exhaustion and pain. Sweat soaked through my clothes and I kept rowing, until the stroke cadence was the only thought left.

By the time I was done, I felt wrung out, both emotionally and physically. My bad knee burned with every movement. Maybe I would just sleep on the sparring mats and save myself the trouble of trying to climb the stairs.

The music lowered, and Eli appeared at my elbow, offering me a hand up. He pulled me to my feet and steadied me when I almost wobbled over.

“You want to talk about it?” he asked quietly.

I sighed. Eli was my first officer. He deserved to know. “I asked Torran to help me with my mental shields. He didn’t do anything wrong, but I reacted poorly, and that led to a brief discussion of Rodeni.” Bitterly, I continued, “All of that, and I didn’t learn anything new about shielding. I don’t know how we’ll protect ourselves on Valovia.”

Eli went still. “Did he hurt you?”

My mouth twisted. “No, I managed that all on my own.”

“Did you tell him anything you shouldn’t have?” Eli asked, his voice quiet. There was no judgment in his gaze, but Eli always planned for the worst-case contingencies.

“Nothing that he can use against us. And if he tries, I’ll deny it loudly and publicly, like the good little FHP pawn that I am. You know I won’t risk you and Kee and Lexi.”

“It’s not us I’m worried about,” Eli said softly.

I squeezed his arm. “Despite the current evidence to the contrary,” I said with a wave at my sweaty clothes and aching knee, “I know how to take care of myself, too.”

His skeptical gaze spoke far louder than any words.

An early morning wormhole traversal meant another short night. I hadn’t slept well and the dark circles under my eyes were beginning to look permanent. Pretty soon I’d be mistaken for a raccoon.

The bridge was full when I arrived. Lexi and Kee chatted quietly with Chira, Havil, and Varro. Mostly Kee chatted and the others nodded as appropriate. Eli, Torran, and Anja were all busy studying their terminals—or at least pretending to.