This wasn’t the first time Aria had intentionally cut herself. It was a habit that she had successfully concealed for months before her younger brother caught her doing it. When Mrs Johnson first became aware that she was cutting herself, she removed all the locks from the internal doors of the house and proceeded to shame Aria for it. She sat across from Aria at the kitchen table and read her a collection of Bible verses that pertained to the way God expected the human body to be treated. It was the way she dealt with anything. Any and all of Aria’s emotions were invalidated. Mrs Johnson had a habit of turning Aria’s feelings back on her by telling her that the way she felt meant that there must be something wrong with her, because in Mrs Johnson’s mind, there was no other valid reason for her to feel the way she felt. Of course this only served to exacerbate the problem. Aria hated Mrs Johnson. But Aria’s feelings were internalized. She became hypercritical of herself and that hatred, now internalized, was focused on herself.

Aria turned on the water faucet to a trickle. She felt the soothing relief eat away at the static of her anxiety. Her breathing slowed. She felt alive in this moment, mesmerized by the blood making its way, in streams that looked like watercolour, down the drain. Relief was all she wanted.

But the relief was short-lived. Having heard Aria hurry from the garage to the bathroom, Mrs Johnson gave in to her curiosity. She opened the door slowly. Aria was startled by the noise and tried to hide her arms. But it was too late. “Aria!” she gasped, rushing over to the bathtub.

She pulled at Aria’s arms so she could see them clearly. Once she was confident that none of the cuts were deep enough to need stitches, her panic turned to exasperation. She stood with her hands on her hips, shaking her head back and forth, and paced the length of the bathroom, muttering to herself. “What do you think you’re doing?” she asked in an angry tone, looking at Aria out of the corner of her eye. “What have I done? What have I done to deserve this?”

Aria flushed with shame as she went on. “I’m taking you to see someone, this has got to stop!” she barked. She turned her back to Aria for a minute and then turned back to face her. “Do you think this is the right place for you? ’Cause I just don’t know anymore.”

“Yes,” piped Aria, suddenly overtaken by the very real threat of being abandoned again. She began to sob.