She’d sensed irritation in the paramedics’ body language instead of concern. Not fully understanding the pain that someone has to be in to end up like EJ, they were frustrated at having to put effort into someone who was so determined to destroy himself.

She watched the ambulance pull away from the curb, do a U-turn and drive right past her. She tried to catch a glimpse of EJ through the back window as it drove by. His addiction rode the chassis of the ambulance with him like a phantom. It was a demon he could not exorcise from himself even for the sake of those who loved him. Though it was invisible, she could almost see it lurking there, knowing it would inevitably come to this.

EJ would come back and say he was sorry. He said it every time sobriety found him in between the wave sets of his life. He said he would try, but never hard enough to withstand the crucifixion of the way getting sober felt. His soul cried out every time he’d swallow a pill or jam a needle into another vein, but he ignored it so long he could no longer hear the scream. Watching the ambulance disappear over the horizon, Aria stared down the invisible phantom that both was and wasn’t him, long enough to see that it wouldn’t be content until EJ’s life was a life that was wasted, until his breath was a breath that was gone.

CHAPTER 24

CHAPTER 24

Just over a week had passed since Aria had seen the ocean for the first time. Just over a week with no word about EJ. That was how it was in this life where relationships were forged only by the commonality of circumstances. One day someone who had been a prominent figure in the mural of your life was suddenly gone and you might never hear of them again.

Omkar and Aria had seen each other every day but one. On one of those days, for the first time in almost two years, Aria had gone to see a movie in a movie theater. Though the theater wasn’t fancy by any means, compared to all the places Aria had been for the last year, it might as well have been an opera house. She felt underdressed and self-conscious walking through the foyer. Omkar had taken her there on a date when his attempt to convince Aria to meet up with a friend of his had failed. There was an off chance that his friend might have let her stay on his couch for a while until Omkar could come up with a different solution, a better place for her to stay. But when he made the suggestion to Aria, she refused to entertain the notion. Aria was uninterested in favors. She didn’t like the feeling of owing anything to anyone, much less someone she had never met before. She found the whole idea humiliating.