Chapters (56)
- Cover
- Dedication
- 1.1 [close to the bone]
- 1.2 [and introducing...]
- 1.3 [half-split]
- 1.4 [the Semple challenge]
- 1.5 [Brickpower]
- 2.1 [shaker up]
- 2.2 [heavyweight]
- 2.3 [♀]
- 2.4 [hired hand]
- 3.1 [wheels and deals]
- 3.2 [don’t cry over spilled ...]
- 3.3 [three’s a crowd]
- 3.4 [“If You Want Blood (You’ve Got It)” or “Night of the Long Knives,” take your pick]
- 4.1 [all the comforts of home]
- 4.2 [white knight]
- 4.3 [pay dirt]
- 4.4 [book learning]
- 5.1 [AQ]
- 5.2 [kihon, kata, kumite]
- 5.3 [pride and prejudice]
- 5.4 [hurt and humiliation]
- 5.5 [“King of the Road”]
- 6.1 [“Father and Son”]
- 6.2 [nothing succeeds like success]
- 6.3 [naked]
- 6.4 [nakeder (I know, there’s no such word)]
- 7.1 [42 km/hr]
- 7.2 [first aid]
- 7.3 [interest is mounting daily]
- 8.1 [kiai]
- 8.2 [kumite (sparring)]
- 8.3 [white knight II]
- 8.4 [Hope is the thing with feathers—that perches in the soul ... Emily Dickinson. American poet, 1830–86. I’m showing off.]
- 9.1 [white knight III]
- 9.2 [“Dead Man Walking”]
- 9.3 [tattletale]
- 9.4 [scat]
- 9.5 [painstaking]
- 10.1 [buzzed]
- 10.2 [amethyst: spiritual calm and healing]
- 10.3 [self-defense]
- 10.4 [self-disclosure]
- 11.1 [self-respect]
- 11.2 [guerrilla warfare]
- 11.3 [Sensei (teacher)]
- 11.4 [“The Razor’s Edge”]
- 12.1 [man to man]
- 12.2 [Tully]
- 12.3 [Hockey Night in Hilchey Bay]
- 12.4 [“If You Want Blood (You’ve Got It)”]
- 12.5 [rerun]
- 12.6 [“the end is the beginning ...” Japanese koan composed by Brickson MacAvoy]
- [author’s note]
- [acknowledgements]
The theme of the week is Adolescent Self-Help. I’m nearly past the rack when two titles spring out at me. One’s about teenage anxiety, the other about bullying in schools. I lift them fast and go straight to the automated checkout. The machine thunks as it registers each title. I pull out the date slip, tuck the books under my arm, titles inward, and I’m out the door.
As usual, the bakery smells of chocolate chip cookies.
I can’t walk any faster or my muscles will seize up; memories of Kendra slam into me like Floyd’s fists. Kendra Ryan at Happy Whale Daycare ... for the first four years of my life, I thought she was my real mother, and Audrey/Opal was the babysitter.
Kendra baked chocolate chip cookies every Monday. When I was six, Mrs. Sanger replaced her, and from then on we ate packaged cookies from Sobeys. Chocolate chip cookies always taste to me of loss.
Which has never stopped me from eating them, cramming them in my mouth in the hopes they’ll fill the gap Kendra left behind. Eight years have passed and it hasn’t worked yet.
She never said goodbye.
I zip the books inside the carry-bag on the rear rack of the ATV, already regretting that I took them out, knowing they’re going to nag at me the rest of the day.
*
THREE NEW jigsaws that arrived in the mail are sitting on the dining room table. I guess Opal must have opened the package.
They’re reproductions of paintings, which seems a bizarre choice for Mr. Macho MacAvoy until I look them over and realize each one is a major challenge. Particularly Monet’s Waterlilies, where most of the puzzle is the pale turquoise surface of the pond.
Guaranteed to keep Floyd out of my face.
How to figure out Floyd’s moods—you could say that’s been the major puzzle of my life. Here’s what I’ve put together:
A. Johnny Cash on the guitar, anything from “Accidentally on Purpose” to “Straight A’s in Love.” Mood: terrific.
B. Jigsaw puzzles, the more complicated the better. Mood: somewhat less than terrific but still pretty darn good.
C. TV: wrestling, boxing and Ultimate Fighting. Mood: can go either way (guaranteed bad if he’s interrupted).
D. Beat on your son. Mood: from extraordinarily bad to terrific, bring on Johnny Cash, “Flesh and Blood.”
As soon as Cassie’s tucked in for the night, I go to my room, close the door, and take the anxiety book out of the drawer where I hid it under my socks. I’m a teenager, so part of the title fits. But anxiety? Is that just a highbrow word for fear?