“Because I knew how you felt about Lucy; about Adrienne; how jealous you were of them, of their place in my past. I knew it would make you mad if I needed to spend time here, with both of them, until it was over. I knew you wouldn’t understand.”

I nodded. He was right. I wouldn’t have understood.

“Lucy was with me during some very difficult times, some very important times in my life. My breakup with Adrienne; my move from New York; the years here when I was trying to start over; when I met you. She stood by me; trusted me completely; asked for almost nothing in return.” He stopped a minute, stood completely still. “I just can’t believe she won’t be around anymore; that we’re going to have to put her down.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. And I was. About everything. “But you can understand why I came to the conclusions I came to,” I said to Donald. “You can see why I might have misunderstood what was going on. Can’t you?”

He looked at Adrienne harshly, with what seemed like new eyes. “I can see how Adrienne didn’t help things by moving here at such a difficult time for us and fueling your suspicions. She’s never been one to just fade into the background and not cause trouble.” For a second I felt one sharp pang of satisfaction: Donald had, at this late point at least, seen her culpability; acknowledged that she wasn’t innocent in all this.

Then he turned to me. I looked away quickly, too ashamed to meet his eye. “But I thought you knew me,” he said. “I thought you knew me better than that.” He dropped his head. “And I thought I knew you better than that. Only you’ve turned into exactly what I didn’t want: someone I can’t talk to.” Then he walked slowly back to the house and up the stairs.

Adrienne glared at me before she turned and went inside. Donald had found her out and shamed her, too, which she clearly hadn’t expected and didn’t like. The look on her face withered me. I was no better than she was.

Alone on the grass, before Gayle materialized, took my hand, led me back to the car, I stood. The air was cold and damp; the night suddenly, completely silent. For a moment or two the world was so still it seemed to have disappeared.

So this is what it feels like when the universe collapses, I thought.

Chapter 26

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