He was referring to the two visits shed made to him in the six months following his arrest. Shed had nightmares about him. There had been two different ones; in one, she had been the model victim in Baltimore, her chest and stomach split open. She had seen her entire murder in dream-form. The grotesque nature of her own murder had been far too vibrant and kept her from getting a sound nights sleep for nearly a month. The second dream, shed seen the murders through Alex Lynchs eyes and had even felt the joy of the act as hed slit the victims open.

She hated that shed even told him about the nightmares. But she knew that with men like Lynch, the more power they felt they had, the more willing they were to play ball. And honestly, if Rachel was being honest with herself, it had been almost therapeutic to tell Alex Lynch about the nightmares She wasnt sure why, but it was the sad reality of the situation.

Rachel did not want to give him any further opportunities to speculate, so she pushed out the reason for her visit. I need to know why you did it, she said. I need to know what it was about your life or your mindset at the time that pushed you to it. All of the court documents and psychiatric referrals state that you appeared to be of a sound mind at the time you were questioned and the way you describe each of the murders suggests you were also of a sound mind when you killed themsomething you yourself have admitted to.

Ahh, Alex said. He stared at her for a moment and then to his hands, which were folded in his lap. You may not want to hear this, but I dont identify with the man that killed those seven people. I am not naïve enough to think that I was someone else when I did it, but when I try to recall what was going through my head, it makes no sense to me.

But do you remember what you were feeling at the time? Rachel asked. We have reams and reams of studies and research that sow the vast difference in the mindset of someone that only kills once and someone that kills multiple people. Theres an enormous difference, particularly when it comes to those that were not muddied with pleas of insanity.

Well, naturally, Alex said. The first time, its new and exciting and you get lost in it. Its much like losing your virginity. There is much nervousness and slight panic the first time. But then when its over and the delight has been had…you start to plan for the second time. What can you do different? What did you enjoy and want to keep the same? And then by the third or fourth time, it starts to feel quite natural.