John’s expensive speaker system, used only for AM Gold hits of the ’70s, was now attached to someone’s phone. Backstreet Boys were being piped through at a volume John wasn’t comfortable with. Though none of them were alive in the ’90s, each girl was singing at the top of her lungs about wanting it that way. How the hell? When they weren’t singing, they were shouting declarations at one another.

“I love Howie,” screamed the blonde one. Kelly?

“No, Brian was cuter!” said McKenna. Good luck, girls, they’re all married with children now.

“Becca, do you have Adele?”

“Duh!”

“I want to listen to Taylor Swift,” cried a fourth girl. Maybe she was Devon.

John’s home, his bachelor pad, was being torn apart right before his eyes. One girl was fine, four girls were more than any single person could handle. As he surveyed the destruction, he wondered what to object to first.

“Ladies,” John said, raising his voice above the fray. “Maybe we could lower the music a little?”

“But we’re singing,” Becca said.

“That’s fair,” he said, walking over to his stereo system and turning the knob down two clicks. “But if you turn the volume down, you might actually be able to hear each other when you talk.”

Becca rolled her eyes.

“I brought makeup!” Devon shouted, and proceeded to spread a bag full of cosmetics on the coffee table.

The living room exploded into varying pitches of “Makeovers!”

Ooh, what are the rules on makeup? John quickly retreated to the kitchen where it was quieter, and immediately began texting his sister. Damn the Swedish time difference.

John: Jess, I need your help. Is Becca allowed to wear makeup? The girls are breaking it out.

Sis: ...??

John rolled his eyes. Her three dots appeared on his screen before the next message appeared.

Sis: It’s fine, lol. You have soap.

John: What about the other girls? Should their parents know?

Sis: :D :D :D

John: I’m serious!

Sis: Me too. It’s a bonding thing, totally normal. Just make them wash their faces before they go to bed.

John: Fine...

Sis: You’re fucking hilarious...

John: *middle finger emoji*

Sis: LOVE YOU TOO, LOL!!!

John was slightly relieved, but hesitant to return to the living room. The girls ran that territory now. Perhaps if he retired to his bedroom, he could hear himself think. Surely, no one would set anything on fire this evening. He’d make himself come down in a couple hours to check on them. Maybe they’d tire themselves out and send themselves to bed? As John crept back into the living room, three girls were swarming Kelly, smearing all kinds of garish colors on her face.

“How does it look?” she asked.

“Hold still so I don’t poke your eye,” McKenna said.