Victoria slowly rose up on her elbows and looked around her bedroom. “How did we get home?” she croaked. Her mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls.

Archie brought a cup to her lips and tilted it. Water had never tasted so delicious and satisfying in her life. And she hadn’t been so publicly drunk since college.

“Oh no, Mom...” she trailed off, remembering her mother’s last words; no more champagne.

“Shhh,” her father said, giving her more water. “Don’t worry about that. Your mother is still at the party.”

Victoria wiped her mouth and met her father’s gaze. “How bad was it? Honestly.”

Archie straightened up and placed the water on the nightstand. “Honestly? That boy, Matthew, said you took a dive like the mob had paid you off. Someone nearby, who didn’t know you were drunk, said that it was probably your tight dress. Hell, it looked like it was cutting off your circulation. Some young cadet rushed in with a saber to cut it off and all the women screamed. Then Jeffrey volunteered to cut the back of it with the Bowie knife he always keeps on him. Your mother got into a shouting match with him over the cost of the dress, but Robbins won in the end because you were still unconscious.”

Victoria cringed, but after a quick check, she noticed that she was still wearing the dress and had full lung capacity. She rolled over slightly and felt the back. Her fingers found a jagged cut of fabric along her spine. “Good lord,” she murmured.

“So Jeffrey and I flipped you over like the suffocated fish you were, and freed you. I mean that dress was tighter than a tick. As soon as you were able to breathe, you woke up coughing and then you threw up.”

Victoria flopped down on her pillow. “Oh no,” she moaned.

“At that point, your mother damn near passed out herself. But don’t worry, you threw up on Matthew’s shoes. He jumped around crying about Italian leather and ran off before anyone could help him. Jeffrey told your mother that this was the best retirement party he’d ever been to and she told him to go to hell. Honestly, he was right. It was pretty entertaining.”

Victoria’s gaze slid over to his. “Dad...”

“As far as everyone else was concerned, the dress was trying to kill you. No one knows you overdid it on whiskey and bubbly.”

She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m never going to hear the end of this,” she muttered. “Mom is going to wear me out.”

“When are you and your mother going to come to an understanding?” Archie asked, resting his elbows on his knees. “I swear, y’all been at it since the’80s.”