Bomi nods. “Yes. I saw the last report. It was on Choi Wansu-nim’s desk when she gave me the tickets to America. I did not see the entire thing. It was a printout of an email. The subject line said ‘Monthly Report.’”

“And what did you tell Wansu about me?”

“That you were doing well. That you watched a drama with me. That . . . your father died. That you had contact with Lee Jonghyung.”

That bitch hadn’t mentioned a word of any of it to me. “How do you know that Choi Wansu paid for everything?”

“She told me. She told me because after I met you, Hara-ya, and we became friends, it was very hard to do this thing.” She leans close and her eyes plead for my understanding, my forgiveness. I stare stonily back at her. “She told me that she had provided for you all her life and this is the payment she wanted in return—to know that you were well and healthy.”

“That is enough for tonight, I think,” Yujun says softly. “Let’s eat.”

“I can’t.” I shake my head. The thought of putting any food down my throat sickens me.

“I’m sorry.” Bomi takes my hand again. “Please, Hara, I did not mean for any of this to hurt you. My family is—they need me. I did this for them, and you lived so well, it seemed like a small harm, but now I see that it is very large and I am sorry.”

I wish I had more compassion in me. I wish I was a better person and could tell Bomi that it doesn’t matter, but it does. It fucking hurts. I can’t even say anything because the words I have are angry ones and I’m afraid if I open my mouth a torrent of hateful things will fall out. I gently remove my hand from hers and get to my feet.

“I’m going now.”

“I’ll come with.” Yujun starts to rise.

I look at him, the son my mother loved and cherished, and shake my head. “No.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

There are people at the river. I had thought it would be empty like before but, no, tonight, of all nights, it’s crowded. Rationally, I know that in a city with ten million inhabitants, it’s going to be more rare to find places that are empty, but right now seeing people in my spot is maddening. Also maddening is that Yujun has followed me.

“Are you worried I’m going to jump in?” I say without turning around. I saw him climb out of the taxi two cars behind mine. He didn’t come and join me right away, opting to hang out at street level while I staked out a space below at the railing and stared moodily into the river.

I guess he got tired of watching me because he finally descended the stairs.

“It’s been known to happen.”

“Well, I’m not jumping, so you can go.”