But to dwell on those things seems pointless. I should be like Wansu and take what I can from life. I’ll suck all the heat and charm from Yujun and store it in my body like squirrels store nuts in their cheeks. When I return to Iowa, I’ll pull out my memories when I’m lonely, one morsel at a time during the long, cold winters. If I only have these four days, then I’m going to spend each minute enjoying myself. Yujun once proposed a dinner with Ahn Sangki and Boyoung, and the idea of matching those two is appealing. It’ll be fun, something ordinary Koreans would do.

I let Wansu’s driver take me home. I left Yujun’s phone with Wansu and I’m going to try to make it through the next few days without a phone. When I get home, I’ll buy a new one. Home. My mind thinks it’s Iowa, which tells me that I’m making the right decision. Once I’m back in Des Moines, these two weeks will be a memory and I can tuck it away and forget it about it. My head pounds and my hands are shaky as I reach for the front door, but that’s because I’m hungry, not because I’m upset.

The app everyone in Korea uses on their phones has a PC version, so I download that to my laptop and text Yujun.

ME: Dinner tonight?

YUJUN: Yes

I love that I don’t have to wait for a response from him.

ME: Let’s invite Ahn Sangki

He sends me a frowny-face emoji.

YUJUN: Let’s not

ME: I thought I could invite Boyoung and we could introduce them

YUJUN: Let’s invite Ahn Sangki

ME: Brilliant idea

YUJUN: Let’s eat here

He sends me an address. From the photos, the food looks amazing, so of course I say yes.

ME: Yes

YUJUN: Are you doing well?

I sort of want to know whether he’s talked to Wansu, but I sort of don’t. If I’m to keep him in my head as Yujun from Seoul, I need that separation.

ME: Yup gotta run my roommate is here

I move on to Boyoung before I am tempted to ask Yujun any more questions.

ME: Dinner tonight?

BOYOUNG: Oh my god yes of course how did it go with your mother?

I like Boyoung. I consider her a friend. She helped me search for my birth mother and maybe is owed some kind of explanation, but I do not want to get into this with her either.

ME: As good as can be expected gotta run my roommate is here

I snap the laptop shut and go find Jules. She’s out on the patio smoking.

“I’m using you as an excuse to avoid questions I don’t want to answer.”

“Glad to be of service.” She holds out the cigarette to me.

“No, thanks. Want to spend the very last of my money with me?”

“Sure. What are we doing?”

“I need to buy some gifts. I’m having dinner tonight with Yujun and a couple of friends.”