I hate when Grandma talks about not having a lot of time left to live. Part of me, the deep-down part, knows she’s right. Guilt twists my stomach when I think about all the time I wasted with Andrew. I could’ve had children by now. They could’ve gotten to know their great-grandmother before her mind deteriorates to nothing.

Instead, I’m the only one out of my friends without kids. Without a family of my own. I’m not even trying to date or put myself out there. I’m doing what I always do, burying myself in work and preventing myself from finding happiness.

I pull out my phone and send a text in the group chat.

Me: Should I go on a dating site?

Kerry: Yes! *eggplant emoji*

Andrea: Just watch out for dick pics.

Sammi: Yes, you need to start dating.

Becca: Come over this weekend & I can help you make your profile

Mary: I want to come!

Kerry: I’ll bring the wine!

Andrea: Take some really good selfies so you can post them. Make sure you can see your boobs.

Mary: But not obvious boobs… more like an inadvertent how-did-those-get-in-there boob shot

Kerry: *coconut emojis*

Me: *face-palm emoji*

I toss my phone onto the table. For the rest of the day, my mind keeps dragging me back to Jaxon.

That kiss was everything a kiss should be. I shouldn’t have wanted it. I shouldn’t still want it.

But I did.

And I do.

Days Left Until Summer Break: 125

Jaxon

That kiss.

That kiss is all I’ve been able to think about.

I hadn’t planned on kissing Raegan. But I saw her standing there, looking so adorable in her hoodie, being put down by her ex-husband and the real-life Cruella de Vil—who wears fur coats anymore?—and I just had to do something. It was better than punching Andrew in his ugly dumb face.

I thought for sure Raegan would’ve slapped me. Again. Or pulled away at the very least. But she kissed me back. That kiss was exhilarating. It lit a fire under me. Within me. All our pent-up feelings for each other are combustible.

And I want more.

I want to burn.

I care about Raegan. I admitted it out loud, to myself and to her. And to whoever was shopping in the cereal aisle. Somewhere along the fucked-up line we’ve been riding on, my feelings for her changed and grew. We didn’t start off on the best foot, but I’m set on changing that now.

Raegan’s attracted to me. She doesn’t know it yet, but she has feelings for me too. I’m determined to make her realize that.

So Monday morning, I head down to her classroom before the arrival bell rings.