It didn’t matter though. No matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough. Didn’t change the fact that I was married to an asshole. In Andrew’s defense, he didn’t mean to be an asshole. His father’s a controlling prick, so he didn’t know any different.

In the beginning, Andrew was sweet. Doting. At least, I thought he was. I was young. Turns out you don’t know much about love or what you stand for when you’re twenty. That’s why they tell you not to get a tattoo until you’re at least twenty-five. They say your brain isn’t fully equipped to make long-term decisions before then. And when I say they, I mean the proverbial “they.” You can hate them all you want, but they are always right.

It took me a while to realize that what I once thought was caring was actually possessive. What I thought was confidence was just condescending. Don’t get me wrong, Andrew wasn’t the worst person I could’ve been with. He didn’t beat me or anything.

My mom says that’s how you know something’s wrong: You start downplaying your unhappiness and comparing it to domestic abuse.

Sometimes, I’d wished he would hit me. Just once. At least then I wouldn’t have felt so guilty about leaving him.

That’s sick. I realize that now.

Needless to say, I wanted this divorce. I’d been the one who’d asked for it. I’d reached my breaking point. Now I know why people call it that. You bend so much that you eventually break in half. Two parts: Who you once were, and the angry, resentful person you’ve become.

In the end, I gave him the house, the dog, my full bookcase, and all my Christmas decorations. Even my favorite sugarplum fairy ornament I’d had since I was a kid. I packed up the essentials and left everything else behind. That’s how badly I wanted out. That, and the fact that I couldn’t afford to fight him for any of it in court.

So how come I’m not slow-mo walking to my car right now? I should be thrilled and relieved that this is over.

I swing myself into my car, turn the key in the ignition, and crank up the air conditioning. As the stream of air cools my skin, I take a minute to scroll through my missed calls and texts.

Becca: Congrats! You’re a free woman now!

Mary: Congratulations! It’s all over now

Sammi: Woohoo! Moving on to brighter skies.

Andrea: Yasss queen! Single & ready to mingle

Kerry: Ding, dong, the dick is gone!

It’s weird that everyone’s congratulating me. It’s even weirder when I think back to these same friends congratulating me on my wedding day.