“No, of course not. When she had to go to hospice—she had ALS, Lou Gehrig’s disease—I was always there for her. It was terrible, she hung on for three years. I paid for whatever Medi-Cal and insurance didn’t cover. I was there all the time. Her mind was still working but nothing else was, that’s what made it so horrible. At the end, she could still move her eyes, I could see the love in them. So how could I say that?”

“Your life’s in flux, Holly, it’s normal for old feelings to come back. You love your mother but some of the things she did frightened and embarrassed you. You’ve never expressed how you felt about it. It’s okay.”

“You’re telling me it’s okay to say things like that? Calling her loose?”

“It’s a word, Holly. Your actions spoke much louder.”

Long silence. “You’re so nice. Your wife is lucky—are you married?”

I smiled.

“Sorry, sorry, I need to mind my own business.”

“It’s not that, Holly. This is about you.”

She smiled. “That’s sure different. Being the star. Though I guess I was the star to Mom. She never had any more kids. I guess one whoopsie baby was enough.”

“You know for sure you were an accident.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Your mother sounds like an organized person.”

“You’re saying she intended me?”

“Did she make any other whoopsies?”

She pulled at the tissue. Tugged at her ponytail. “I see what you mean. She always told me I was the best thing ever happened to her.”

“I’m sure you were.”

She glanced at Blanche. I gave the okay nod and Blanche waddled over to the couch.

Holly said, “Is she allowed up here?”

“Absolutely.”

“If you want you can come up, cutie.” Blanche leaped effortlessly to her side, moved in close for a snuggle. Holly stroked the folds of her neck. “She’s so soft. Like a stuffed animal.”

“As cute as a toy,” I said, “and a whole lot smarter.”

“You’ve got it all, don’t you,” she said. “The house, the dog. Maybe a wife—sorry … so maybe that’s why you think I was a deliriously desired baby. Okay, I’ll go with that. My Aimee’s wanted, that’s what’s important. Let me ask you something: Do you think permissive’s the best way to go or keep up the discipline?”

“Depends on the child.”

“Some kids need more discipline.”

I nodded.

She said, “Matt sure doesn’t need any more, he’s the most self-disciplined person I’ve ever met.”

“How about you?”