She bit her lip. “That didn’t stop me from seeing some of them. Hearing them. All kinds of men, different ages, races, it was like … she called them her friends. ‘Time for quiet time with these Oreos and Kit Kats, sweetie. I need to spend time with my friends.’ ”

I said, “At some point you realized that wasn’t typical.”

“I realized it when I started kindergarten and saw how other kids lived. My first years were kind of isolated, we lived in a trailer park. Don’t get me wrong, it was a nice trailer, Mom kept it up, planted flowers all around, there was a little birdbath where sparrows and finches would come. We were pretty close to a nice neighborhood, working class, solid people, lots of religious types. It didn’t take me long to catch on that other mothers didn’t do what mine did. I never said anything because Mom loved me, took care of me, I always had nice clothes and good food. The same things other kids had, who was I to be ungrateful?”

More tears. “I shouldn’t have said that. Calling her loose, that was wrong, really mean.”

Another tissue interlude.

She said, “She’s gone, can’t defend herself … I just feel it’s time to be honest, you know? Confront reality. So I can understand myself.”

“Now that you’re becoming a mom.”

“I don’t want to be like her,” she said. “I mean in some ways I do, I want to be loving, to take care of my Aimee, to give her everything. That’s why I married Matt, he’s a totally great provider.”

“When I talked to you at your house you said you’d worked most of your life, had a career until recently.”

“That’s true.”

“You set out to be independent.”

“Yes. So?”

“So even though Matt’s maturity and industriousness were qualities you found attractive, you never intended to rely upon him totally.”

“I … yes, that’s true, I guess you’re right. You’re saying Mom made me tough?”

“I’m saying you’re an obviously capable, thoughtful person. Does your mother get some of the credit? Sure, but in the end you made your own decisions.”

“I guess I did … but I’m still sorry. For saying that about Mom. I miss her so much!”

She burst out weeping, took a while to compose herself. “She passed three years ago, Doctor, she suffered so much. I guess I’ve been angry at her for leaving so young, she was fifty-four. Even though that’s not rational. I was being selfish, I’m too selfish, period, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Did you treat her unkindly when she was alive?”