“Which means I’d kick my heels in your waiting room until eleven or twelve. No, thanks. I’ve got a very tight day scheduled. Why don’t you stop here on your way into the Loop? It’s just a hop, skip, and jump off the Eisenhower to Belmont.”

He didn’t like it, mostly because he wasn’t controlling the program. He tried to make me come downtown to the Enterprise Club, the favorite embalming center for Chicago’s top lawyers and bankers. I wanted to start my day in the neighborhood, at the Bank of Lake View. He finally consented to meet me at the Belmont Diner, but it had to be seven o’clock: his important meetings started at eight-thirty. Since Dick knows early mornings and I aren’t on speaking terms, it enabled him to salvage a small triumph from the conversation.

Before going to bed I checked in with my answering service. Sure enough, there were two messages from Dick, both stressing the urgency of my calling him immediately. Detective Finchley had phoned, as had Luke Edwards and Sergeant Rawlings. I was glad I’d missed Luke. I wasn’t in the humor for a long, lugubrious account of the Trans Am’s woes. I unplugged the phone and went to bed.

39

Postmarital Upset

My dreams were tormented by images of my mother. She appeared at the gym where I was playing basketball. I dropped the ball and ran from the court to her side, but just as I held out a hand to her, she turned her back on me and walked away. I felt myself crying in my sleep as I followed her down Halsted, begging her to turn and look at me. Behind me the Buddha was saying in Gabriella’s heavily accented English, “You’re on your own now, Victoria.”

When the alarm woke me at six, it was a welcome release from the trap of dreams. My eyes were gummy with the tears I’d shed in the night. I felt so sorry for myself that I hiccuped back another crying bout as I brushed my teeth.

“What’s wrong with you?” I said derisively to the face in the mirror. “Feel deprived over losing Dick Yarborough’s love?”

I turned the cold water on in the shower and held my head under it. The shock cleaned my eyelids and cleared my head. I did a complete workout in the living room, including a full set of weight exercises. At the end my arms and legs were trembling, but I felt purged of my nightmare.