“It was Sullivan. He was standing there with those wide eyes of his, holding on to his neck while blood…” I closed my eyes and took another deep breath. “I screamed his name and ran as fast as I could, but I barely made it there in time to catch him as he fell. Ten feet. That’s all that had separated us. Ten fucking feet.”

“Was it quick?” Dad asked, his voice thick.

“Just a couple minutes.”

“And he wasn’t alone?” The last word broke.

“I was with him the entire time. He knew it was me. There was nothing I could do.” I made the realization as the words slipped free. “I’ve spent six years reliving those moments, and once he’d been shot, there really was nothing I could do but stay with him. And I did. I stayed with him through transport and through Dover and didn’t leave his side until we laid him next to Mom.”

Tears blurred my vision, but I saw Dad swipe at his face.

“I loved Sullivan, Dad. I would have traded places with him in a heartbeat. God knows I did my best to join him in the years that followed. I never would have chosen his squad if I’d known. Hell, I would have sat on his stubborn ass in the middle of that outpost, far from the wall. I made the choices that killed him, but I didn’t know. I didn’t know.”

I couldn’t say how long we stood there, but the afternoon sun had shifted by the time Dad spoke.

“You might not want my absolution, Camden, but you have it.”

My knees weakened, and I swayed.

“Were you a part of his death? Yes, but only in the way a cog moves the hands of the clock.” His jaw ticked as his gaze met mine briefly. “The truth is that while it was easier to levy the blame on you, we all made choices that led to his death. I let him enlist—not that I could have stopped him. I think about that every day. That boy worshipped the ground you walked on. He wanted to be just like you. Even fell for the same girl.”

“He would have been better for her,” I admitted.

“Maybe,” Dad admitted with a nod. “But maybe not. And you’ll be better to her. You tend to safeguard something once you realize how precious it is.”

“I will.” Losing Willow wasn’t an option, and maybe I didn’t deserve her, but I was sure as hell going to earn her every day.