For a long moment, the only sounds were the rustling leaves above us and the faint whirl of the wind.

“We made a deal when you came back.”

My eyes flew open at Dad’s comment, and my stomach clenched. “We did, but I’m not holding you to it. I want you to listen, but I won’t force you.” As much as I knew I deserved to be heard, my father deserved to make his own choice in the matter. Sullivan was his son.

“Tell me what happened.”

With Sullivan only a few feet away, I did.

“We got the call that an outpost was in serious danger of being overrun, and we went. We landed under heavy fire, and it was a shit show on the ground. A new company had just rotated in the month before, and from what we’d seen from the air, they were vastly outnumbered. Our team split to accomplish different objectives. Once my commander relayed what we’d seen to that company’s commander, I was ordered to take a squad with another operator—they couldn’t spare a whole platoon—to reinforce the section of the perimeter we’d seen was about to fall. I’m talking minutes, not hours.”

The smell of gunfire filled my nose, and even though I told myself it was all in my head, my heart rate picked up.

“Two squad leaders answered their captain’s request. They stepped forward, and I pointed to the guy on the left and told him we needed to move.” I’d gone over the memory so many times in my head, and yet I still found myself searching for any sign that I’d missed Sullivan at that point. “He pulled his guys off the line, and we ran.”

I glanced Dad’s way to see that he was focused on Sullivan’s stone but appeared to be listening, so I forged ahead.

“I go over it in my head a lot,” I admitted. “More than the psych guys would want, at least. That moment, had I picked the sergeant on the right, Sullivan wouldn’t have been shot.”

Dad flinched.

“The next opportunity I had was when we ran. I let their sergeant lead the way because he knew the outpost better, of course, but I kept up with him step for step as his men followed and Vasquez brought up the rear. If we’d traded places, maybe I would have recognized the way he ran.” I cleared my throat as it tightened again. “We spread out along the wall and began returning fire.” I skipped over the details. “A few minutes later, I heard Vasquez call for a medic. I can still hear him calling, to be completely honest. I don’t even know why I looked, but I did.”

I turned my head and waited until my dad’s eyes met mine.