On the first day of Christmas my true love
gave to me…a runaway in a clubhouse.

GRACE’S DIARY

School was a waste. I don’t know why they bother to have half-days except to meet some bone-headed legislative requirement created by old fogies who haven’t been to junior high for so long that they’ve forgotten what a wedgie feels like.

In English we did a crossword puzzle with Christmas themes and in math we used a Pascal triangle to determine the exact number of items accumulated in “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” (The answer is three hundred sixty-four, sadly the only thing I remember from junior high math.) I did get one thing out of it. After class was dismissed, I asked my art teacher, Miss Tioné, about van Gogh. “Is it true he cut his ear off?”

“Yes.”

“Why did he do that?”

“Well, there are a lot of different theories. Some people think he was drunk. Some say he did it to give to his beloved. Some even think another artist did it.”

I looked down. “Oh.”

“Why do you ask?”

“I just heard that sometimes people might hurt themselves when they feel bad.”

The room was vacant except for the two of us, and she sat down at the desk next to me. “A few years back I had a student who had cuts on her arm. The first time I asked her about it she said she had a mean cat. But after a few weeks I knew she was doing it to herself. I asked her why. She told me that it was her way of dealing with strong feelings.”

“Strong feelings?”

“Anger. Fear. Sorrow. Rejection.”

“That makes sense,” I said. “Thank you.”

I noticed her glancing down at my arms. “Eric, is there something you’d like to talk about?”

I looked at her and we both knew there was. “No, ma’am. But thank you.”

She smiled sympathetically. “You’re welcome. Have a nice Christmas.”

“Thanks.” I smiled and walked out of the room.

After school I went straight to the Queen. Halfway through the night I raided the first-aid kit. I stole a bottle of iodine and a roll of white medical tape and gauze. When I got home I took everything to the clubhouse. I laid out the tape, then opened the bottle.

“Put your arm out,” I said to Grace.