I tried to distract Jon, showing him the photos from hospital again, talking him through my meds and my feeding tube. He said it was amazing I could remember them all. I felt a glow of pride at that, but later Mum said he shouldn’t have been so flippant.

“Only someone who doesn’t understand how one pill can mean the difference between life and death would say something so silly.”

Mum liked Ben better than Jon but secretly Jon was my favorite because he liked my hat.

But that was then. We hate him now, since he wrote that stupid article. It was in the newspaper today—Mum went out specially to buy it and has been crying for hours. She keeps asking me if she’s a good mum. I hate it when she asks me that because no matter how much I tell her she’s the best mum in the world I know it’s not enough. I hate Jon Katrin for making her feel like that. He says in the article Dad should be allowed to see me but he doesn’t know anything about us. I don’t need Dad, I just need Mum.

I read the article quickly when Susie came over to comfort Mum. I was so pink in the photo I looked like a strawberry and the hat didn’t look cool, it looked stupid. There were just little slits where my eyes should be, I couldn’t see any bones in my face at all. This is why I don’t look in mirrors. I threw the newspaper across the room when I saw it.

Susie’s been over a lot, she swears she’s going to put things right, says her and Zara and Sylvia have already got a plan. Mum kept crying and crying. I just sat by her side and held her hand. It was horrible. Then Cara came round and smiled at me carefully, like her smile could hurt me. This is how she is with me now. Her hair’s growing, it’s really dark and thick and shiny. I tried to picture how it would feel, soft like melting chocolate around her shoulders.

“All right, Grace?”

I nodded and shrugged.

“What about that article, eh? My mum’s fuming.”

“I shouldn’t have worn that stupid hat,” I said, and she grinned at me, like she was relieved I said what she’d been thinking. We don’t see each other as much as we used to, but when she comes over I try to talk about normal stuff like TV and shopping. I wish I could ask her more about Chris, about boys in general. But I don’t because I think it’ll only make me seem weird.

“Fancy getting some chips?” Cara asked. I tried not to look too excited as I nodded.

“Better just go check with your mum,” Cara said, and I sank a little in my chair as I followed her into the kitchen. I know Mum needs me close when she’s sad.

Mum wiped her eyes and stood to give Cara a hug.