After the vigil a few neighbors and friends came back to Mum’s for tea and cake. Zara suggested everyone chip in for wine, but Martin felt that was too celebratory. People needed to be somber tonight.

When most people have left, I sit at the kitchen table, sipping tea with Sylvia and Zara. Sylvia tells us in a low voice, so Martin can’t hear, how she’d dreamt about Grace, saw her walking out of the sea. Zara, fondling her fake gold dangly earrings, nods along with Sylvia and says she felt Meg’s spirit the night before, heard her begging her to find Simon. I keep quiet as I get up to see if we have any biscuits. I think about what I’m going to do tomorrow, whether to text Jon and ask for a lift, or whether that’d make me as mad as everyone thinks I am. Once everyone’s left, I’m going to read his article about Meg and Grace and then I’ll read some of Grace’s diary again before I make up my mind whether to get in touch or not. It’s good to have a plan. Even such a short-term one distracts me temporarily from a recurring image of Grace on the floor of a dark basement, a blindfold over her eyes, her hands bound, alone but still crying for help.

16th November 2018

Something amazing happened today. Something so amazing I can hardly believe it.

Mum was just about to give me my drugs through Peggy (that’s the PEG tube that runs into my stomach for food and drugs—Mum gave it a name to make me feel better, she always knows how to make me laugh)—when the phone rang. It was Maggie from the Wishmakers. Mum told me to ignore it, but I’d been waiting for this phone call for two weeks. I couldn’t let it ring out, lifesaving drugs or not. Sorry, Mum!

“Hello, Maggie?”

“Grace? Is that you?”

“Have you decided, do you know who’s going?” My heart was thumping so hard I thought it might actually burst out of my chest, but then Cookie leapt up onto the bed, mewing for attention, and I twisted around too hard, trying to shoo her away, pulling the pink skin around the opening in my stomach. The shock of the pain made me shout and Mum took the phone from me.

“Maggie, sorry, this isn’t really the best time.”

“No, Mum, Mum, please just ask her about the Big Trip, please!” I gasped, pulling my pajama top down in case Peggy had started bleeding. I didn’t want Mum to see. I knew she’d hang up on Maggie immediately if she did.

Mum looked back at me, nodded, and smiled. She put the plastic syringe full of mushed-up pills back into its sterile plastic container.

“Actually, Maggie, Grace is driving me crazy. You’d better just tell me now whether she’s been accepted or not.”

The words seemed to hang around me, suspended in the atmosphere.

“Uh huh. OK. Okaaaay. Hawaii?”