Turns out Jon’s instinct was right from the beginning, from the first time he met Meg and Grace. He knew it was wrong that Simon was being kept from his daughter. He wrote the article and withstood the attack as well as he could. It makes me less angry with him now—I know he blames me for letting Grace go—which is definitely a good thing. It means I’m more likely to leave him alone.

“Thank you,” Rose-Marie says in a tiny voice before crumpling back into her chair.

I feel all the eyes in the room turn to me and my heart seems to have risen up from my chest because it’s now beating in my ears. I’m not sure I can remember anything, not even my own name, let alone the reason why I’m here. My hands are clammy against the table as I stand. I force myself to look at the curious faces, wonder whether any of them will become my friends. At the end of the table, there’s a tiny girl sitting next to Dr. Mackenzie; I hadn’t noticed her before. Her nose just about reaches over the tabletop, she’s wearing a baggy gray beanie, and behind her huge glasses her little eyes are fixed on me, like an X-ray. I look away from her, make myself smile, dig my thumbnail into the side of my finger, swallow, and speak.

“Hi, I’m Cara. I’m here because over the summer I learned for myself how even the worst crimes and the people who commit them often don’t fit neatly into the categories of guilty or innocent. I want to understand the space between guilt and innocence, I want to explore how the penal system could change to better help and rehabilitate someone who is both victim and perpetrator.” A couple of people nod in agreement and others tap their pens against empty writing pads. “I’m really happy to be here,” I add, and as I sit gratefully back down I glance across the table. Grace is still there, smiling her wonky smile at me. I know she’s not real. I glance down at my hands, make myself blink, and when I look up again Grace is gone.

Epilogue

He arrived at 1 a.m. I was standing in the dark kitchen, waiting to let him in through the back door. I’d already cleared the house of any evidence of what she’s been doing to me—leftover vials and bottles of drugs—put all our dark secrets in a black bag for the garbage men to take away. I didn’t want the police finding them, confusing the investigation into my disappearance. After so long I couldn’t risk anyone guessing the truth, not now when I need time to escape. He kicked off his shoes outside, just like we agreed. Down the hall, Mum snored. The reality of him being there was overwhelming, an online cartoon become flesh. He was like a miracle. I raised my finger to my lips.

“Shhh.”

He followed me down the hall. We paused outside her door, to check the other was ready.