It took months, but I hid more and more pills. I started going through withdrawal, my body shook, but I was hardened to the pain. Mum said she loved me even more. I stayed in bed, slept all day. But as the drugs left my system and I started to feel stronger, at night when I heard Mum snoring across the hall I’d practice my walking. It was painful at first, my bones felt dried out and brittle, my muscles weak and floppy like wet spaghetti. But slowly my bones and muscles hardened and as I got physically stronger it felt more and more possible. I started to believe I could get away. That I could live.

We decided we’d do it in the summer, June 3rd. We deleted our messages to each other. No one was ever supposed to get hurt, but it still felt safer that way. The plan went like this: I’d pump Mum full of the pills I’d been hiding and while she was sleeping we’d take the red box of donations. It was my money, after all. There must have been a few thousand pounds in the box—Tony said I had to give it to him for getting me away. He would take me somewhere safe to change my clothes, my appearance. Then, at first light, Tony would take me to a place called Rainstead where his twin brother, Robbie, would smuggle me to Holland in his truck. Tony said everyone wanted to get into the country, no one was interested in people trying to leave. He made it sound easy. After all, everyone was looking for a disabled teenager, not an able-bodied young woman. But I didn’t understand then what I see so clearly now. The golden rule—either I’d die or Mum would have to die. We couldn’t both survive the truth.

18

Jon

Cara still looks unwell, the skin under her eyes sags with purplish half-moons and she seems smaller somehow. She’s fully alert, though, sitting forward in the passenger seat next to me, and she’s not shaking anymore, which is definitely a good sign.

As we drive, I tell her everything. I tell her about how mad Simon seemed in our meeting, how he whispered in my ear. I tell her about meeting Dave, what he told me about the twins, and I tell her about Dr. Rossi, how Meg blackmailed her for years and how Meg was able to change Grace’s name and birthdate on her medical records. I explain we’re driving to a haulage company just outside Rainstead, which Robbie Craig registered as his place of work. She takes it all in, her eyes wide. I thought she’d be swearing, livid that I kept on digging when she asked me not to, but she seems beyond recriminations now. She just wants to find out the truth. I wait until I find a quiet lane to pull into before I stop the car to tell her what Meg was doing to Grace. I turn to Cara. She’s confused, but knows me well enough now to know I have something important to say.