Raynor Beach

5th June 2019

I didn’t think I’d ever get away from her. I tried to tell a nurse once—“Mum gives me pills I don’t need”—but the nurse looked at me as though I’d slapped her clean across the face. I was going to tell Cara but Mum got there first. She saw us becoming close and stopped us from being alone. Then Cara stopped visiting altogether and I felt a new space open up inside me, a hollow where hope used to be.

A part of me gave up. I thought I’d be lying next to Danny soon, my grave freshly earthed. I saw us—Danny and me—as ghosts in the cemetery, together at last. It didn’t sound so bad. I took all the drugs she gave me and I fell deeper into the lie my life had become. No one knew who I really was. I didn’t know who I was, not anymore. I was lost even to myself.

It was winter, soon after the operation to fit my PEG tube, when everything changed. Mum had given me so many different drugs I’d been out of it for days. I was on the sofa, wrapped in blankets and, as a reward for being so sick, Mum let me look at our Facebook page. I only had a few minutes, but it was enough. A message flashed up from a boy: Tony Craig. He was so thin in his picture I thought at first that he was sick too and just wanted someone to talk to, but when I opened his message I saw I was wrong.

Hello Grace,

You won’t remember me but my name is Tony and I was there when your brother died. I knew he was in trouble in the water, so did my brother. I wanted to help but I couldn’t. I’ve felt guilty ever since. I want you to know that I still think about him and I’m sorry. I met your dad a few months ago, he told me you were sick and that I should help you. He wasn’t in a good way, I’m sorry about that too. I don’t know what I can do really but I want to make things right so here I am. I can’t make up for my past, for letting your brother down, but maybe I can do something for you. Anything you need, just let me know. I’d like to help if I can.

Cheers,

Tony

His message was brief but powerful. It changed me. I admit I was angry at first. If this Tony and his brother had helped Danny, then he might have been saved and all our lives could have been so different. But what’s the point in being angry? It won’t change anything. Instead I focused on the fact that Tony had spoken to my dad, that he wanted to help me. I felt a sort of blooming inside. Before I deleted his message I replied, asking him to set up a profile on the Wishmakers forum. I told him to use the name GoodSam because he was my Good Samaritan. I told him to find ForeverGrace.