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Back Gone Save as PDF
Chapters (77)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. 1
  6. 2
  7. 3
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. 8
  13. 9
  14. 10
  15. 11
  16. 12
  17. 13
  18. 14
  19. 15
  20. 16
  21. 17
  22. 18
  23. 19
  24. 20
  25. 21
  26. 22
  27. 23
  28. 24
  29. 25
  30. 26
  31. 27
  32. 28
  33. 29
  34. 30
  35. 31
  36. 32
  37. 33
  38. 34
  39. 35
  40. 36
  41. 37
  42. 38
  43. 39
  44. 40
  45. 41
  46. 42
  47. 43
  48. 44
  49. 45
  50. 46
  51. 47
  52. 48
  53. 49
  54. 50
  55. 51
  56. 52
  57. 53
  58. 54
  59. 55
  60. 56
  61. 57
  62. 58
  63. 59
  64. 60
  65. 61
  66. 62
  67. 63
  68. 64
  69. 65
  70. 66
  71. 67
  72. 68
  73. 69
  74. Acknowledgements
  75. Reading Group Questions
  76. Read More
  77. I

Jameson caught sight of the cyclist, riding low and fast, his legs pumping hard, just as he lost control. He mounted the kerb and hit Jameson at full speed, head on, striking him to the floor and knocking him out.

33

‘Are you comfortable?’ said Dr Bloom. Her voice was softer than normal.

Seraphine wiggled around to find the best position. She was sitting in a large cushioned chair with her feet flat on the floor, her hands on her thighs and her eyes closed. She listened to Dr Bloom’s voice and followed her instructions. Her body felt heavy as she began to relax. She was totally awake and fully aware, but things felt different. She noticed the weight of her hands on her legs, and as she concentrated on breathing in and out, she became more conscious of her own body and less aware of the room around her.

‘The first thing I’d like you to do, Seraphine, is imagine a place where you feel safe and happy. It might be a house or a park or a beach. The choice is yours. But it’s a place you can go to when you need space and peace. I want you to pick the place, real or imagined, and study it. What can you see, hear and smell?’

Seraphine picked the children’s playground she’d visited as a child, because she never felt different there, only excited and happy. She pictured herself standing at its centre, turning to see the large red slide built into a train, the yellow roundabout that she’d clung to, and the swings, two for babies, two for older kids. She remembered how the chains on the big swings could be wound around each other, so that you were high off the ground and could spin, wobbling, as they unravelled.

‘When you’re happy in your place, raise your little finger,’ said Dr Bloom in her soft, distant voice.

Seraphine concentrated on the weather in the park. It was warm and sunny. She could smell chips. She remembered the ice creams from the cafe with their multicoloured sauces: red, yellow, blue and even black. There was not another soul in sight. The park was hers and hers alone. She raised her little finger.

‘Good,’ said Dr Bloom. ‘Now I’d like you to think deeply about what makes you different and how that makes you feel.’

Seraphine pictured herself sitting on the roundabout.

‘You may sometimes find it hard to identify your feelings, Seraphine, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t there. The volume of them is simply turned down. So here in your safe place you can practise turning the volume up and exploring how it feels to be sad, or afraid, or lonely.’